the cliffs are a truely amazing place. its cathartic-at least for me it is. to roll around there and bathe in the sun, to tape a nap and laze there. i went there today to laze there, mostly to think, and mostly to enjoy the cool ocean breeze. while sitting there, staring nothing but blueness, it hit me that it's time for me to let go. 不想也不行. i can't let my past hold me back. i tell others that what's done is done, what has happened has happened and to let it go. and what a hypocrite i am. i can't even use my own advice. i haven't really actually let go-i've only avoided the problem. worst comes to worst, i'll get my closure, soon enough. i've waited a long time for it, i can wait another couple of months. it won't kill me. i promised myself out there today that i'd learn to let go, learn to let it all go away. it's holding me back, and i don't want to be anymore. i'm tired, i don't want to live in the past any longer.