it hasn't really hit me that time passes so quickly. last time i saw everyone at one time, it was winter break. all of a sudden, its spring break and we're sitting at coconut bay with some new faces (sam & vivian) with new stories to share about various things & what nots. i'm sitting there imagining what would have happened if we all lived in one giant house-the horror! the lights would never be off, there would never be food in the house, parking would be a disaster, our trashcan would probably die...mm. would be interesting though.
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ten things about me that you may or may not know about me
1. i grew up on yugioh, not pokemon. i believe in the heart of the cards. pahahah. i totally grew up on yugioh-i even have the cards. XD i also grew up on stuff like dragon ball z and stuff. even weirder, i watched 一休和尚 from as far back as i can remember. hahaha. i even have the video tapes of it in my room LOL. (oh gosh)
2. i want to learn how to drive a stick shift car. i always think that its super cool when a girl knows how to do it. plus, it means i wont get bored while driving, although being stuck in traffic sounds like its gonna suck ass. it just seems like fun. besides, i look bored enough when i drive as it is.
3. i tend to use food as emotional support-happy or sad. when i feel like it, i can eat like i'm an bottomless pit. when i'm sad and i dont feel like expressing emotions, i normally just eat. because food makes me happy. :) its my anti drug.
4. msn > aim. i dont really like using aim, especially after my aim refuses to load up on my desktop. didn't really affect me when aim broke though-most of my closer friends use gtalk. hence, why i have three different messengers on my computers. its really not because i'm a chatoholic-its because people i know like to use different things.
5. i don't like cheesecake. in fact, i'm not really that big of a fan of sweets. not a fan of cookies and ice cream and cake and brownies and other sweet stuff. however, i do like chocolate. not dark chocolate-milk chocolate. thats the good stuff. :D also, if i have my cravings, i'll eat whatever it is i crave. or i need to sleep it off or i get sorta moody. keh.
6. the first things i notice in a guy are his eyes & his smile. i do believe that your eyes are the windows to your soul, and i believe that smiling is something you cannot go without. a day is not complete if you haven't smiled.
7. i'm dense. not because i just am dense, but because i choose to be dense. i choose to be dense because i dont like feeling like i'm over thinking things. i think that if i overthink things, i'll make things awkward. besides, overthinking things just make me stressed out.
8. i run to think. i'm not the person to run on a stupid machine and sweat like a cow. pahahahaha. i run because sometimes i have too much on my mind but theres too many little things that i don't think is worth to deal with or blog about. if i run, i just let my mind wander and think about all sorts of random things that bother me until i run out of things to think about.
9. i love to take pictures. that is fairly obvious. i take pictures because i think its a way to capture a moment. of course, we have our memories, but sometimes they get fuzzy. a photograph is a like a moment of time frozen. plus, i'm a really sentimental person.
10. i hate saying goodbye. its one of the few things i can't handle. i hate the airport, because going to the airport always means goodbye. when i left taiwan in the summer, i litterally had to have a mini emotional gutwretching breakdown on the plane's bathroom. i hate goodbyes because you never know whens the next time you'll see someone. when ken helped me move in at SD and then had to leav, i couldn't stop tearing up.
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i think i should go get a massage one day. my shoulders are killing me.
or maybe i should spend less time hunched over my laptop. hrmm.

most people don't know this-only the people who have gone for tea with me or have gone to the great extent of driving to la and back to sd-know that i have a fanatical obsession with apple black tea. and its not just any apple black tea either, it has to be from tenrens. to me, a trip back to la is never complete without apple black tea. there's something about it, i don't really know how to explain it. i swear, i'm such a tea addict. D:
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something else people might not know about me is that when i go back to la on friday nights, if time allows, i will attend a church group. i know right, connie, going to a cell group, on a friday night? what happened to the parties? but i've come to realize that the lessons i've learned there are more rewarding then going to any party. today, eric shared his thoughts about a specific passage in the purpose driven which is a book that has many life lessons that can take a person a lifetime to learn. today, he mentioned a topic that really describes what i really see friendship as, and i wanted to share it with whoever bothered to read my blog.
"when you try to ripen fruit quickly, it loses its flavor. in america, tomatoes are usually picked unripened, so they won't bruise during shipping to the stores. Thus, before they are sold, these green tomatoes are sprayed with carbon dioxide gas to turn them red instantly. Gassed tomatoes are edible, but they are no match to the flavor of a vine-ripened tomato that is allowed to mature slowly." such is the same with friendship. you can never "speed up" the process of friendship and expect it to bear the same sweetness as a friendship that is aged with time. friendships that are formed because of material gifts is like spraying a tomato with carbon dioxide-of course, there will be some sort of relationship formed, but friendship that is formed through fond memories, laughter, smile and time is sweeter than any fruit, better than any aged wine, and worth more than anything money can buy. the importance of things can be measured by home much time and patience you are willing to invest in it. time is the most precious gift you can give someone, because there is a limit to it. you can make more money to shower gifts--but time is something that you can never get back. today, ty mentioned that we may think that we have an endless supply of time-but in reality, we really don't have that much time. if you sleep 8 hours a day, (i know most of us don't know, but its what we're supposed to get) by the time you're 60 years old, you will have slept away 20 years of your life. that leaves you with only 40 years left to play, to relax, to work, to go to class, to eat, to spend with others...although 40 years can sound like a lot, if you really do that math, its really not that much. in addition, how can you guarantee that you will live beyond 60? if its really you're time to go, its your time to go. it doesn't matter if you're 102 years old, or if you're only 23 years old. the unexpected happens--when it happens, you can't do anything to extend the time you have left. (of course there are medicine and medical procedures, but eventually, when its your time, you can't do anything about it-technology can only bring you so far.) you don't know how long you'll have the opportunity to love-circumstances change-people die, children grow up. there is no guarantee of tomorrow. if you are going to love, you have to do it now. the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves. when you give your attention to someone else, it means you value them enough to give them your most precious asset-your time. time is the most precious thing we have to give. it can not be measured in monetary amounts. time is the most limited thing we have. you can give without loving, but you can not love without giving. love that is ripened through time is far above anything that we can possible have. it doesn't matter if that love is given to friends, a significant other, or family-if you spend the time to give your attention to someone, then they have receive the greatest thing you can give to them. "let love be your greatest aim, for a life without love is truly worthless."
don't procrastinate in giving your time and love to others-you never know if you'll have that chance tomorrow. time is too precious to leave unused, for love leaves a legacy that cannot be compared to anything.
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well THAT was a handful. but there's something else i must address. people seem to think i've gone emo or something. :x yes, my blogs may be slightly depressing, and my status on msn may have something depressing, but it might just a song stuck in my head :D maybe its just a way for me to express things that are stuck in my mind. my blog is a place for me to speak from my heart and the things that you might not see when i'm in person, being happy happy and all. however, i can see why people act emo all the time when they really don't have to be, getting the attention of friends that really do care for you is truly heartwarming. but, i'm not the person to really express everything-i try not to be an open book because i don't want everyone to know what i'm really thinking-sometimes, it's just be a burden that i did not wish for others to bear. concerning the emo posts, its just stuff thats been in my mind and the stress from daily life (ie finals) was getting to me and i needed to express it. :P normally i have happy things in mind, its just recently there's just been a lot of stuff going on. :D i love you all though, all my emo blogs and stuff makes me feel like an attention whore because you guys are all like "omg connie, don't be sad!" kiss kiss love love. hahaha. really, i'm fine. xD <3

誰願意失敗失敗再失敗
誰高興期盼期盼再期盼
我是個痛也不會說出口的人
我是個貪心也註定要不到的人
妳戀戀過我 就像花依賴樹尖
但風輕輕吹 時候到幸福卻枯萎
我是個愛也不會說清楚的人
我是個懦弱也還在拼拼看的人
火熊熊了眼 別太快灰飛湮滅
榮耀若值錢 我不會掉下淚
痛也不說出口的我 不怕掉下淚
痛也不會說出口的人-楊培安
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i originally meant this to be a happy post. somehow for some reason, one of the first songs when i started listening to is this song. it's a really good song, but for some unknown reason, it makes me want to blog about the normal emo things. i'm not normally like this in person. i guess i'll blog about something happy anyways. i'm currently indifferent about it and the change in between the lyrics & my actual blog doesn't really bother me-for now...because its 12pm and i should be getting to sleep soon. i need to break my habit of sleeping after 6am every night!

on the bright side, i'm officially done with finals. i spent the day (after finishing my finals) by making dumplings for my friends (:. lets hope i haven't food poisoned anyone. ^_^ anyways, i think these last two days have been pretty eventful. in a good way i guess? i spent all day making dumplings, cooking them, and then watching a movie. then waching alex, sam, jerry & will play resident evil 5 for a very, very, very long time. :P it was good fun though, we were all entertained by it. ended up passing out around 5:30 am because i didn't get that much sleep the night before-but i woke up at 7am by myself, which was when the "party" pretty much ended. i woke up seeing alex leaving, khan walking out going like "STILL HERE?" puahahah. then we drove to muir to get breakfast :D woot woot. and then i did laundry, took a shower etc. then spent the rest of the day with clarice at utc! so basically, i've just gotten home. ;P bring it on spring break!

i'm really looking forward to spring quarter-there's a lot of really exciting events and things-i can't wait! jerry's birthday, twilight, santa barbara, ken's birthday, casino dance, my birthday, going to florida, cousin getting married...and the list continues! i don't plan to go anywhere without my camera either :) take that facebook, lets see if i can make you crash again!

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up. As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.

I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.” Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “It made a difference for that one.”

The Star Thrower - Loren Eiseley

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the moral of this story? i feel as if we are the "starfish all along every mile" of beach. our beliefs, our conscience is the wise man. and friendship is the young man.

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anyhow, this morning i signed onto facebook seeing that a large number of my friends joined the "RIP Sandy Puckett, you will be missed" group. While looking onto the group, I found an article that really really ticked me off. It was about a funeral parlour worker who stole from Puckett while transporting his corpse. "Taiwan police have arrested a funeral parlour worker who stole cash and jewelry from a dead American, a newspaper said Tuesday. Chen Chien-feng was arrested Monday for stealing 3,700 Taiwan dollars (100 US dollars) and jewelry from the home of Sandy Richard Puckett, a 60-year-old teacher at the Taipei American School, while removing Puckett's body Monday morning." Do people have no respect for the dead anymore? Its pathetic. You'd think people would have more respect for the dead.

rip mr. puckett.
one of the better teachers in the math department at tas.
one of the teachers i wish i had the opportunity to have for math :/

this is probably one of my favorite pictures. its called "life" which, if i may add, is quite appropriate.

"You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."
-Charlotte from "Charlotte's Web"

i should change my music on this thing. its been a while. :D i'm tired of opening this page and hearing the same things over and over again. its gets rather annoying. maybe i'll do that after i do this.
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why do your eyes look so sad? your eyes were filled with sadness, like a part of you was missing, like a part of you was empty. it was like your eyes were trying to see into my soul. i've never seen anyone look at me like that. it was like you were calling for help, but your outer shell has too much pride to ask for it. when you looked at me with those eyes...i wanted to ask what was wrong. i'm here for you to spill everything to, i'm here when you need a shoulder to lean on, i'm here to give you a hug to make the problems go away. all you need is to ask. i'm here to help share the burden of anything unpleasant. if there's too much anger and sadness in our lives, there won't be enough room for love and joy. without enough room for love and joy, we will never live to the full potential of being happy.
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the most interesting term i've come to be using recently is the word clusterfuck.
clusterfuck is defined by urban dictionary as

1. Military term for an operation in which multiple things have gone wrong. Related to "SNAFU" (Situation Normal, All Fucked Up") and "FUBAR" (Fucked Up Beyond All Repair).
2. A combination of things going extremely wrong in a short period of time within the same general activity-caused by stupidity and/or ineptitude.
3. Chaos. Anything that is occuring in a haphazardly. The situation is not even thinking about dreaming about having a sense of order. A clustering of items (usually people) in a fucked up way.

ahaahhaha.
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speaking of, i'm attempting to not cuss. :D in chinese at least for now. trying not to cuss in english is too hard. (: i will learn how not to not cuss in chinese :D woot woot.
i think i've been doing alright so far. a couple slips here and there, but considering how it used to be every other word, i think i'm doing great :D

"I am a daughter, a sister,
a grand-daughter, a niece,
a cousin, a friend, and an aunt.
I am a partner, a student,
a young girl, a grown woman.
I am confident, and scared,
terrified and excited.
I am loving and caring,
& thoughtful and hopeful.
I am sick & tired.
I am shy and friendly,
& careful and careless.
I am broken.
I am misunderstood,
misguided & mislead.
I am hard working & determined,
but a little scared on the inside.
I wish on the stars & dream my dreams.
I pray to god and cry my tears.
I smile on the outside while
I'm dying on the inside.
I listen to others who won't listen to me.
I walk on eggshells & I walk on fire.
I believe in passions but not true love.
I love you and I pushed you away.
I want you, but not so close.
I am everything & nothing all at once,
& all I wanted was for you to love me"

我要找到自己的路...
stay true to myself.
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i dont know why it bothered me so much. i don't feel like going into detail as to what "it" is-all you need to know is that it's something that made me feel extremely moody. someday i'll look back on this note and laugh at myself-how could i possibly get so moody over a little thing like that. but for now, i'm feeling moody. i really dont know why it bothered me so much. it shouldn't even be my problem. i shouldn't even care at all about it. but i do. and i dont know why.
the only thing i know is that the song thats playing in my mind right now is 別惹我-五月天. sometimes, our minds are the greatest weapons against ourselves.
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ten songs every person should have on their playlist

1. 離開地球表面-五月天
   this song expresses my feelings when i'm stressed out, or annoyed at life, with people, with hwk, with classes-basically anything that decides to piss me off. it reminds me to give the "i dont give a fuck" attitude back at the rest of the world. it's a i'll do whatever the hell i feel like doing and i don't care about your opinions and judgements about me songs. basically reminds us to stay happy. however, the downside to this is that if this is playing in my car, i become a very aggresive driver. i get mad and i get very gas pedal heavy. especially nice when i'm driving down on an empty freeway with just me and myself.
   
2. 失戀無罪-A-lin
   those who know me know that i'm not exactly a big fan of of female singers-but this is probably one of my favorite songs. 用過去悲傷換來自由難道不珍貴.
   
3. 離歌-信樂團
   despite the near impossibleness to sing to this song-i really like the lyrics. one of my favorite lines literally translates to "its when you can't stay that you really feel lonely." you don't really understand the meaning of feeling lonely until you really do feel lonely.
   
4. 噢買尬-五月天
   for those who know this song, this is self explanatory. for those of you who don't, this song is the epitome of what the relationship between friends should be. (2015, yes?;D)
5. 手放開-李聖傑
   我給你最後的疼愛是手放開-sometimes its just not really meant to be. this is a nice song. one of the many songs that ken & clarice often classify with the "ice cube song." granted that it is by the same singer, but i like this song better than the other :D
   
6. Wrong Number - DBSK
   woot for connie the uber dbsk fangirl. :) i'm just kidding. i really like the lyrics for this song, no special reason. i guess it sorta describes what i think about a lot of girls who are really really attached to their boyfriends and then cause problems and shit like that. i guess the reason why i like this is because if i were a guy, i'm pretty sure this is what i'd be thinking if i had a really 'sticky' girlfriend.
   
7. Greatest Story Every Told - Oliver James
   Seems like the that would come out of a chick flick, but i really like this song. probably one of the few american songs i'd listen to without protesting it.
   
8. 如果還有明天-信&薛岳&柯有倫
   但是我一定會提醒自己　如果還有明天. if you found out there was no tomorrow, would you look back at your life and regret it? assuming the world was coming to total destruction and even if there was a miracle no one would be left on earth, who would you say your last farewells to? would you say it to the person next to you? your best friends? your family? would you look back at your life and say "i wish i had done..." because now you realized you don't have the chance to do so? often times in life we say "i'll do it later." but what if there is no later?
   
9. 如果-張棟樑
   現在的我　不缺甚麼　認真的生活　偶而會難過
   新朋友很多　他們不夠瞭解我 (他們都不瞭解我)
   問了太多　我只是微笑的帶過
   未來的我　沒有如果　不相信星座　能預告甚麼
   假設那麼多　過去會不會復活　最好沒有如果
   really good song. really good lyrics. :)
   
10. Way Back Into Love - 黃品冠 + 梁靜茹
    i really like this duet. like, really really really really like this duet. "i'm been looking for someone to shed some light, not somebody to get me through the night...i've been looking for a way back into love.

maybe i'll update later with another 10 songs if i can't sleep.

周華健-朋友

這些年一個人　風也過　雨也走
有過淚有過錯　還記得堅持什麼
真愛過才會懂　會寂寞　會回首
終有夢　終有你在心中

朋友一生一起走　那些日子不再有
一句話一輩子　一生情一杯酒
朋友不曾孤單過　一聲朋友你會懂
還有傷還有痛　還要走還有我

一句話一輩子　一生情一杯酒

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i'm thankful for you all. <3