i'm leaving to go to taiwan soon. (:
i guess taiwan will be a good for me...finish up some unfinished business.
get to relax a little bit and hang out with my besties~

i wish everyone a great summer-have fun, but remember to stay safe, try to change your sleeping schedules so that its normal! *ahem, tiff. that means you lol. stop sleeping at 7am* eat normal meals *ahem, thomas. don't starve yourself for like 48 hours. silly anorexic.*....:P ken. D: dont lose anymore weight. D: my mom is going to be super worried if you do. for those of you doing summer school, good luck~don't...pull too many allnighters!

the next time i blog, i'll be in taiwan. :) hopefully intern + classes go allright!

edit//5:14pm

RIP him爸爸~
"what we have once enjoyed we can never lose.
all that we lovely deeply becomes a part of us
-helen keller

it didn't occur to me how long as the last time i had ever stepped foot into a bookstore and spent some time in it. in fact, one of these days, i'll drive to the library or the bookstore and just live there for a day. believe it or not, i enjoy reading books-a lot. it's been a while since i've had the time to actually sit my butt down and enjoy a book without distractions or worrying about the tiny details that might show up on a test. it's been a while since i sat down, picked a book that looked interesting to me and thrown myself into the world. i should so find me a book, drive to sd, just to sit on the cliffs and enjoy my book while watching the clouds float away, the wind brush against my face, and hear the ocean roar. it's been a while.

but whatever. that can't be helped. i can still do it when i get back from taiwan.
i'm actually rather disappointed that i didn't get the chance to go to the cliffs before i left sd. and if it weren't for the fact that my parents would kill me if i make another trip down to san diego, i probably would go down sometime next week. i guess it can't be helped-i can always go when i come back from taiwan~

8 more days till taiwan! :)
i'm so excited!

10 things i plan to do over the summer :D

1. learn chinese. (yes foreal.)
   because i regret forgetting my chinese. and i really do want to learn it-the right way. not through ktving, attempting to read chinese...etc
   
2. improve taiwanese! (this is a given)
   just because i feel that its important to be able to speak the language. though this might be a toughie
   
3. reggae with angelaaaaa (?)
   seems like fun. would be a nice skill to have. muahaha. its just something that i want to do
   
4. make a collage of all the yummy & lovely food i eat in taiwan
   for the sake of good food, why not? it'll give me an art project to do while i'm there, or when i'm back to pass time. :)
   
5. have a normal sleeping schedule.
   though this seems nearly impossible, i really really do want to change my sleeping patterns and habit.
   
6. get something out of internship (aka, actually wake up for internship!)
   i don't want it just to be an internship that dad forced me to go to. i want to actually get something out of it, some sort of life skill.
   
7. spend time with family
   the last couple of times i went back, i really did not make time for family. this time, i hope that i really do have the time to spend with family.
   
8. have good time management skills. just because i want to have fun doesn't mean i should ditch class/internship.
   this would be a good skill to have. less procrastinating.
   
9. go visit other parts of taiwan instead of staying in taipei the whole time
   its been a while since i went down to southern taiwan. it'd be nice to go visit again
   
10. not to indulge in food tooooo much.
    as much as i want to eat till i stop, that seems rather unhealthy. :)
    

the old fisherman

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out-patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. "Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face ... lopsided from swelling, red and raw. Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."

He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success. No one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face ... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments..."

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me. "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. "No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him for a few minutes. It didn't take long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.

He didn't tell it by way of complaint. In fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch. He refused breakfast. But just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, "Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair."

He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind."

I told him he was welcome to come again.

On his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

During the years he came to stay overnight with us, there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden. Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery ... fish and oysters packed in a box with fresh young spinach or kale ... every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning. "Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"

Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illness' would have been easier to bear. I know our family will always be grateful to have known him. From him, we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

Recently I was visiting a friend who has a greenhouse. As she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all ... a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket.

I thought to myself, "If this were my plant, I'd put it in the loveliest container I had!" My friend changed my mind.

"I ran short of pots," she explained," and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, until I can put it out in the garden."

She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining such a scene in heaven. "Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. "He won't mind starting in this small body."

All this happened long ago ... and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.


-Mary Bartels Bray

fuck finals.
[x] bild10
[x] econ 100a
[x] soc
[ ] doc

i can't wait for this to all be over and done with.
i need to start packing. D:
and do laundry.
and fold clothes.
maybe tomorrow.
when i actually have time after i murder myself with econ.
i didn't know econ could be so hard.
makes me wish bosanko were here to yell at me for my stupidity.
because famulari makes everything too damn hard.


and i believe that at the beginning of finals week if i start off with 100% brain power. 5% doc. 5% bio. 5% soc. 85% econ. = =
econ is. such a bitch.

just a little destressing from finals. be entertained?

該說嗎? 要說嗎? 我不知道.
怕說出來只會讓事情變的更複雜.
又怕什麼都不說會後悔.
AHHH 好焦慮喔 = = 煩死了.
我不知到怎麼做才是對的
有"對的"嗎? 我也不知道
焦慮焦慮焦慮~~==

---
1 final down, 3 to go!
---
為什麼天氣好的時候沒有時間去cliffs好好把事想好
好好看風景? 看這大海...in a way its so calming.
time flies when you're at the cliffs.
死finals. = = at such a time.
看太陽出來真的好想去.
如果禮拜四/五天氣還是很好的話可能會去~

唉 die finals..die!

wish it had rained harder and longer.
wish there had been wind and lighting and more thunder.
rain...to me are the tears of people who hide their tears
rain are the tears that should have fallen but didn't fall
and watching the rain fall, its like letting it all out.
i wanted to stand there and let the rain fall
wanted to see the rain fall, feel the rain on my skin
and let it wash over me.

because when there's rain, the days following it will be nice, bright and sunny.
-----------
我又初戀了-五月天

難道　我又我又初戀了　不可能　我又我又初戀了
可是　真的真的初戀了　這一種FEEL　我又　真的真的初戀了

我愛你　你愛我　我們再也找不到藉口
就像是　第一次　一起飛著愛情的自由

我愛你　你愛我　我們再也不需要藉口
又一次　初戀了　就算降講有一點荒繆　誰在乎喔
------------

有一種愛，明明是深愛，卻說不出來。
有一種愛，明明想放棄，卻無法放棄.
有一種愛，明知是煎熬，卻又躲不開。
有一種愛，明知已無前路,心卻早已收不回來。
還有一種愛叫做無奈.........

>要明白有的東西你就是再怎麼喜歡也不會是屬於你的，有的東西你就是再怎麼去留戀也是注定要放棄的.

我們的人生中會有許多種愛，但是別讓愛成為一種傷害,去傷害了自己最親近的人!

生活中有些緣分是注定要失去的，而有些緣分是永遠都不會有好結果的. 愛一個人不一定要絕對佔有，但擁有了一個人就一定要去好好的珍惜他!愛他!

如果不再愛一個人，那麼請你放手，好讓別人有機會愛他。如果你愛的人放棄了，那麼也請你放開自己，好讓自己有機會去愛別人！

愛,是一個沉重的字眼,
它背負著太多的責任與義務,
沒有足夠的心裡承受能力 ,壓力......
別輕言談情說愛,否則 ,情愛 ,就會變成彼此的傷害......

愛是繾綣情深的吧 ?
愛是刻骨銘心的吧 ?
愛是稍縱即逝的吧 ?

真愛，酸也好，苦也罷，一切的存在都是一種甜蜜……

就算痛,也是一種甜密的負擔,不是嗎?

當愛沒有變質前是愛
當愛已經變質後是恨

男人~~

是慾望在支配著他們的感官,
是刺激在促使著他們的動力,
是時間在征服著他們的愛情.

女人~~

是愛情在磨練著自己的身心,
是執著在鞏固著自己的意識,
是堅忍在維護著自己的自尊,

朋友們，你們的愛情是如此美麗而寂寞，你們的愛情是如此坦誠而深情，抓住手中擁有的別讓他在你們的指間不經意時流逝。

朋友們，走過路過了，千萬不要錯過你身邊愛你的人。

朋友們，走過了路過了，千萬不要擦肩而過你的愛情。

朋友們，什麼都經歷過了，愛情或許再也不是唯一了。
a friend of mine sent this to me the other day-figure i'd share it with everyone. XD

我發現我最近很愛用＂唉＂這個字. 也不知道什麼.
也沒什麼煩惱, 沒什麼好焦慮的. 真奇怪.

i've been so busy lately that i feel so exhausted. but i guess it's a good thing. i do like being busy. i guess thats the one thing that bothers me the most. without my car, i can't plan my schedule accordingly, and hence, it becomes a pain in the ass to be "busy" becaue it just so happens that things tend to happen at the most inconvinenent times.
other than that though, i had a pretty eventful weekend. hksu's graduation dance was better than i expected-it was really nice to get to just chill and dance the night away with friends. saturday was pretty fun, i enjoyed the performances by catchy & 大毛 at cashbox. (sad that zoe won't be around to perform next year though D:) and lat but not least the uta kayaking event was pretty fun. :P lots and lots of good memories from that. my fellow 台客/台妹 with their awesome "pose". water ballons (god ray, i'm so sorry LOL, i didn't mean for you to get injured like that), carne asada fries? (i know morgan, you're craving them).
i guess its knowing that the school year is coming to an end that makes me really sentimental and really cherish these times. i mean, i won't be around all summer, and it sucks that i won't be able to see some people during all of summer. like steph and ken & the regular high school crew. char i won't be able to see until maybe winter break, which totally sucks donkey ass. alex & jason should both be in taiwan with me drinking and partying the night away. luke and all the norcal kids are going to be up in norcal....it sucks that i probably won't be able to see them for quite a while. i guess thats why we make good use of skype and msn, right? :)

anyhow, i'm looking forward to summer anyways...nice break, brush up on my chinese skills, meeting up with some of my best friends that i haven't seen in forever! :)
i expect a great summer.
lets hope its the best one yet.