wretch

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我完全沒有任何理由理你.

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you,
they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
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Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise.
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Love life and life will love you back.
Love people and they will love you back.
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People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.
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If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

take tomorrow, one day at a time.

i am lucky to have my best friends who live all over the world.
i miss them almost every second, but despite the distance
i know they're just a heartbeat away.
even if the stars refuse to shine,
even if the world refuses to spin,
no matter the consequences and results
i know they'll be here regardless.
even if the world is going to come to an end
even if it looks like there's going to be no way out
i know everything will be alright.
with them, i know we'll pull through and be okay.

so much has happened. so much has changed.
and yet, the world doesn't wait for us to catch up with it
it just expects us to change with it.

<3 cause baby, you're all i need.

兩的人的距裡...有辦法拉近嗎?

to be honest, i lack the inspiration to write anything write now, but i feel as if i should anyways, since its been a while since i've actually had a decent blog about anything.

first things first, i've had a lot of time to reflect on a lot of things during the summer. not having internet gives you the time to let your mind roam and think out a lot of things-its actually quite refreshing to be able to get all the thinking out of my head. after all the thinking though, you really just come to realize that life goes on. despite the challenges and difficulties that are thrown at you. no matter what happens, you'll find a way to conquer whatever happens.

but onto happier things. i'd rather not rant out every last detail about every last thought i have.

lets start off with the new school year. classes are horrid and wretched as usual. moving in was a pain in the ass. and lets not even mention the long hours associated with uta. but despite it all, i think all the hours put into it was worth it. seeing the smiles and hearing the laughter is more than enough compensation for all the work put into it.

although. lesson learned today. do not attempt to open a krispy kreme box while driving. very easy to get a papercut. D: now my finger is like crippled. hahaha.


since its almost 3 am, i'll find something more substantial to update about later. ^^

口一嗎?

so i was looking back at the things i planned to do over the summer...and i guess lets see how i did in doing the things i wanted to do this summer!

1. learn chinese
   okay, to be honest. i didn't learn that much. haha. though, my writing did improve-quite a bit. i'm entertained because my teacher likes to say that i make different mistakes from everyone else. i get all the grammar write, but epically fail in writing the words.
2. improve taiwanese!
   okay, thanks to james and charlie...my taiwanese improved. haha, everytime we went to go ktv, they'd go sing some taiwanese songs...after listening to it enough times, you start to understand taiwanese. plus, once mom came over, all i heard in the house was taiwanese.
   
3. reggae with angela.
   unfortunately, didn't happn. at least, not this summer.
4. make a collage of all the yummy & lovely food i ate in taiwan.
   if i find the time in sophomore year, this is going to happen.
5. have a normal sleeping schedule.
   okay, that happened for like the first couple of weeks...and then the last two weeks my sleeping schedule got really really fucked up. XD going out three days, staying out all night three days. yeah. had to make the most of taiwan.
   
6. get something out of internship.
   okay, so i woke up for internship, but all that happened was me getting really really frustrated over the smallest things. i dont want to whine about it because its really not a bad company. if you really want to know, call me and ask.
   
7. spend time with family
   so i went to macau with family, and i actually spent more time with family this time..because i would have a more normal schedule of going home and stuff instead of staying at a friends house like 4 out of 7 days a week.
   
8. have good time mangement skills. just becaue i want to have fun doesn't mean i should ditch class/internship.
   this actually happened. i only skipped out on internship once, and i ditched class twice...or three times? considering how often i skip class at ucsd, i think i did pretty good.
9. go visit other parts of tw
   this didn't happen thanks to the typhoon. next time i go back, i will def. go down.
   
10. not to indulge in food toooooooooooo much.
    ....does indulging in all you can eats and eating until you feel like throwing up considered as too much?
    

reasons to smile. :)
because your friend called you.
because you found a dollar on the street.
because you don't have homework.
because you did well on a test.
because they have good tequila at a club.
because you found the other sock.
because you found the cutest purse.
because you saw a good movie
because you have someone to call your best friend
because you know someone will be there if you pick up your phone and call them.
....whats your reaon to smile?

and even queerer ones...check out this website.


so today. i quit. lol, well i'll be done on friday. i'll let you guys know how how the rest of this week turns out.
3 more days left!

and its been a while since i last blogged. this is partially because i dont have internet at home, partially due to my laziness to drag my butt to my aunts house to use internet. what i can say though, is that this summer is far different from what i had expected. i expected a relaxing, chill summer where i could do whatever i want, but so far, my schedule requires me to get up at 6:30 every morning, and going to sleep sometime after 12, 1. now, 12 or 1 might be really early, but when you need to get up at 6:30 every morning...no excuses, its horrible. back at sd, if i went to sleep at 4, but got up at 12, i'd still get my 8 hours. not exactly healthy, but where i am now, im only getting an average of like 6 hours. combine it with staying out late on certain nights and i just feel exaushtion. which brings me to another topic, i'm probably going to quit my intern either this week or next week because i do want to have the time to go to tainan and visit some family, spend more time with my grandma at her company...etc. and to be serious, its amazing what a year can do to you. i used to be able to stay out all night, sleep a couple hours, and like function the whole day like it was nothing. last saturday, i went out clubbing...got home around probably 7. took a shower blah blah blah and then left the house at like 11 to go meet up with joan + family at tienmu. and then sunday i passed out at 10 and i woke up at 7 (yes, getting 9 hours!) and then feeling like i had an elephant sitting on my back. and its tuesday already, and i dont feel at all recovered. i'm not sure if this is because i'm not getting enough sleep during the week, or if im just not meant to stay up and get too little sleep. blahh.
so what am i doing blogging right now, you may be wondering. well. i'm at intern right now. its 10:30 in the morning. i haven't been given anything to do. and its really. really. cold. they have the ac turned up pretty high. and i really...haven't done much in the last two weeks. all i have done in the last two weeks is sync up one of the manager's mp3 player. and typed an e-mail about at meeting. and read the news online. yeauup. i plan to stay until i get the purchasing order done, which i started earlier this month, which we are waiting to get shipped in. at least i'll have learned something out of this experience. class ends in about 3 weeks too, so i'll be able to sleep till whenever.
mom's coming on the 21st to help grandma out too. so...i guess mom will be around, but since i'll probably be spending a lot of time at joans, it should be all good. :) i plan to visit the school too. should be fun. ^^

and no, i haven't gone clubbing as much as i would like, but i guess its probably a good thing for now, since i dont want my liver to give out + i have work really early in the morning. :P

So I’ve been in taiwan now for about two weeks, dropped off the face of the internet lol. While I do sign on sometimes, its probably when you guys SHOULD be sleeping. As most of you guys know, I came back this summer to intern and take chinese classes. Basically, I’m not exactly very fond of my intern place. I mean, I don’t hate it-its not like the people there aren’t nice to me…it’s the fact that I have to get up at 6:30am. To catch the mrt. To get to 南港. Its just like I realize that I really can’t get up that early lolol. I totally don’t hear my alarms and my dad has to wake me up ._. I mean my dad was all like “what happens if you have class at 8am! You still have to get up at 6:30 to get ready and go to school!” and I was kinda like…dad. I’m not going to take an 8am class. I know I’m weird, but I’m not suicidal. Plus, i guess it would be worth it if I actually did something..but all they make me do is type. And you guys know how I can’t exactly read handwritten chinese? Yeahhh. That’s what they give me to type. Like, if that’s what I’m learning at intern..then I can’t really say I learned anything. Lol. Its “practicing typing chinese” and practicing reading chinese I can’t even make out. But I think I’ll stick it out a couple more weeks and see if I do anything productive..if not then I value my sleep and I think I’ll just quit my intern. Cause seriously…typing for 3 hours or staring at a computer screen doing nothing but reading the news is…sorta…yeah. Anyways, all of you guys would get a kick out of my chinese class. I don’t exactly want to make this into a complain rant, but like. Lolol, the words are a little too easy for me. And like. I suck at grammar. “為什麼你說'我吃完飯了’後面要有了?” to hell that I know. Lolol, that’s just the way its said. And like…seriously its just my writing. Lolol sometimes I wonder if I should have just bought a workbook and practiced chinese by myself. I mean seriously…a lot of the class is like speaking/understanding focused and its like…yeahhh. But its not all bad. I really like my classmates. Most people are from the cali area so its pretty cool. And the teacher likes to make fun of all of us lolol. Like I make it sound all bad, but it really isn’t that bad.
on the bright side though, I was really happy that I finally got to meet up with roxy, sean, jayme, veronica, romeo….^^ for some people it’s the first time in 4 years since I got to see him, for others its like we get to see each other once a year. Its been pretty good though-even though primo wasn’t so good the night we went, and luxy was just overcrowded-but it was just nice to go clubbing with good friends.
i'm looking fowrad to this weekend though, luxy tomorrow night, paintballing, ktving..^^

i'm leaving to go to taiwan soon. (:
i guess taiwan will be a good for me...finish up some unfinished business.
get to relax a little bit and hang out with my besties~

i wish everyone a great summer-have fun, but remember to stay safe, try to change your sleeping schedules so that its normal! *ahem, tiff. that means you lol. stop sleeping at 7am* eat normal meals *ahem, thomas. don't starve yourself for like 48 hours. silly anorexic.*....:P ken. D: dont lose anymore weight. D: my mom is going to be super worried if you do. for those of you doing summer school, good luck~don't...pull too many allnighters!

the next time i blog, i'll be in taiwan. :) hopefully intern + classes go allright!

edit//5:14pm

RIP him爸爸~
"what we have once enjoyed we can never lose.
all that we lovely deeply becomes a part of us
-helen keller

it didn't occur to me how long as the last time i had ever stepped foot into a bookstore and spent some time in it. in fact, one of these days, i'll drive to the library or the bookstore and just live there for a day. believe it or not, i enjoy reading books-a lot. it's been a while since i've had the time to actually sit my butt down and enjoy a book without distractions or worrying about the tiny details that might show up on a test. it's been a while since i sat down, picked a book that looked interesting to me and thrown myself into the world. i should so find me a book, drive to sd, just to sit on the cliffs and enjoy my book while watching the clouds float away, the wind brush against my face, and hear the ocean roar. it's been a while.

but whatever. that can't be helped. i can still do it when i get back from taiwan.
i'm actually rather disappointed that i didn't get the chance to go to the cliffs before i left sd. and if it weren't for the fact that my parents would kill me if i make another trip down to san diego, i probably would go down sometime next week. i guess it can't be helped-i can always go when i come back from taiwan~

8 more days till taiwan! :)
i'm so excited!

10 things i plan to do over the summer :D

1. learn chinese. (yes foreal.)
   because i regret forgetting my chinese. and i really do want to learn it-the right way. not through ktving, attempting to read chinese...etc
   
2. improve taiwanese! (this is a given)
   just because i feel that its important to be able to speak the language. though this might be a toughie
   
3. reggae with angelaaaaa (?)
   seems like fun. would be a nice skill to have. muahaha. its just something that i want to do
   
4. make a collage of all the yummy & lovely food i eat in taiwan
   for the sake of good food, why not? it'll give me an art project to do while i'm there, or when i'm back to pass time. :)
   
5. have a normal sleeping schedule.
   though this seems nearly impossible, i really really do want to change my sleeping patterns and habit.
   
6. get something out of internship (aka, actually wake up for internship!)
   i don't want it just to be an internship that dad forced me to go to. i want to actually get something out of it, some sort of life skill.
   
7. spend time with family
   the last couple of times i went back, i really did not make time for family. this time, i hope that i really do have the time to spend with family.
   
8. have good time management skills. just because i want to have fun doesn't mean i should ditch class/internship.
   this would be a good skill to have. less procrastinating.
   
9. go visit other parts of taiwan instead of staying in taipei the whole time
   its been a while since i went down to southern taiwan. it'd be nice to go visit again
   
10. not to indulge in food tooooo much.
    as much as i want to eat till i stop, that seems rather unhealthy. :)
    

the old fisherman

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out-patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. "Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face ... lopsided from swelling, red and raw. Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."

He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success. No one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face ... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments..."

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me. "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. "No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him for a few minutes. It didn't take long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.

He didn't tell it by way of complaint. In fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch. He refused breakfast. But just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, "Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair."

He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind."

I told him he was welcome to come again.

On his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

During the years he came to stay overnight with us, there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden. Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery ... fish and oysters packed in a box with fresh young spinach or kale ... every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning. "Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"

Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illness' would have been easier to bear. I know our family will always be grateful to have known him. From him, we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

Recently I was visiting a friend who has a greenhouse. As she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all ... a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket.

I thought to myself, "If this were my plant, I'd put it in the loveliest container I had!" My friend changed my mind.

"I ran short of pots," she explained," and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, until I can put it out in the garden."

She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining such a scene in heaven. "Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. "He won't mind starting in this small body."

All this happened long ago ... and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.


-Mary Bartels Bray

fuck finals.
[x] bild10
[x] econ 100a
[x] soc
[ ] doc

i can't wait for this to all be over and done with.
i need to start packing. D:
and do laundry.
and fold clothes.
maybe tomorrow.
when i actually have time after i murder myself with econ.
i didn't know econ could be so hard.
makes me wish bosanko were here to yell at me for my stupidity.
because famulari makes everything too damn hard.


and i believe that at the beginning of finals week if i start off with 100% brain power. 5% doc. 5% bio. 5% soc. 85% econ. = =
econ is. such a bitch.

just a little destressing from finals. be entertained?

該說嗎? 要說嗎? 我不知道.
怕說出來只會讓事情變的更複雜.
又怕什麼都不說會後悔.
AHHH 好焦慮喔 = = 煩死了.
我不知到怎麼做才是對的
有"對的"嗎? 我也不知道
焦慮焦慮焦慮~~==

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1 final down, 3 to go!
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為什麼天氣好的時候沒有時間去cliffs好好把事想好
好好看風景? 看這大海...in a way its so calming.
time flies when you're at the cliffs.
死finals. = = at such a time.
看太陽出來真的好想去.
如果禮拜四/五天氣還是很好的話可能會去~

唉 die finals..die!

wish it had rained harder and longer.
wish there had been wind and lighting and more thunder.
rain...to me are the tears of people who hide their tears
rain are the tears that should have fallen but didn't fall
and watching the rain fall, its like letting it all out.
i wanted to stand there and let the rain fall
wanted to see the rain fall, feel the rain on my skin
and let it wash over me.

because when there's rain, the days following it will be nice, bright and sunny.
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我又初戀了-五月天

難道　我又我又初戀了　不可能　我又我又初戀了
可是　真的真的初戀了　這一種FEEL　我又　真的真的初戀了

我愛你　你愛我　我們再也找不到藉口
就像是　第一次　一起飛著愛情的自由

我愛你　你愛我　我們再也不需要藉口
又一次　初戀了　就算降講有一點荒繆　誰在乎喔
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有一種愛，明明是深愛，卻說不出來。
有一種愛，明明想放棄，卻無法放棄.
有一種愛，明知是煎熬，卻又躲不開。
有一種愛，明知已無前路,心卻早已收不回來。
還有一種愛叫做無奈.........

>要明白有的東西你就是再怎麼喜歡也不會是屬於你的，有的東西你就是再怎麼去留戀也是注定要放棄的.

我們的人生中會有許多種愛，但是別讓愛成為一種傷害,去傷害了自己最親近的人!

生活中有些緣分是注定要失去的，而有些緣分是永遠都不會有好結果的. 愛一個人不一定要絕對佔有，但擁有了一個人就一定要去好好的珍惜他!愛他!

如果不再愛一個人，那麼請你放手，好讓別人有機會愛他。如果你愛的人放棄了，那麼也請你放開自己，好讓自己有機會去愛別人！

愛,是一個沉重的字眼,
它背負著太多的責任與義務,
沒有足夠的心裡承受能力 ,壓力......
別輕言談情說愛,否則 ,情愛 ,就會變成彼此的傷害......

愛是繾綣情深的吧 ?
愛是刻骨銘心的吧 ?
愛是稍縱即逝的吧 ?

真愛，酸也好，苦也罷，一切的存在都是一種甜蜜……

就算痛,也是一種甜密的負擔,不是嗎?

當愛沒有變質前是愛
當愛已經變質後是恨

男人~~

是慾望在支配著他們的感官,
是刺激在促使著他們的動力,
是時間在征服著他們的愛情.

女人~~

是愛情在磨練著自己的身心,
是執著在鞏固著自己的意識,
是堅忍在維護著自己的自尊,

朋友們，你們的愛情是如此美麗而寂寞，你們的愛情是如此坦誠而深情，抓住手中擁有的別讓他在你們的指間不經意時流逝。

朋友們，走過路過了，千萬不要錯過你身邊愛你的人。

朋友們，走過了路過了，千萬不要擦肩而過你的愛情。

朋友們，什麼都經歷過了，愛情或許再也不是唯一了。
a friend of mine sent this to me the other day-figure i'd share it with everyone. XD