love, connie

2009-11-30T15:35:00.000-08:00

2009-11-16T23:07:00.000-08:00

我完全沒有任何理由理你.

2009-11-15T02:10:00.000-08:00

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you,
they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
---
Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise.
---
Love life and life will love you back.
Love people and they will love you back.
---
People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.
---
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

2009-11-14T15:54:00.000-08:00

take tomorrow, one day at a time.

2009-11-08T14:13:00.000-08:00

i am lucky to have my best friends who live all over the world.
i miss them almost every second, but despite the distance
i know they're just a heartbeat away.
even if the stars refuse to shine,
even if the world refuses to spin,
no matter the consequences and results
i know they'll be here regardless.
even if the world is going to come to an end
even if it looks like there's going to be no way out
i know everything will be alright.
with them, i know we'll pull through and be okay.

2009-11-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

so much has happened. so much has changed.
and yet, the world doesn't wait for us to catch up with it
it just expects us to change with it.

2009-10-15T11:00:00.001-07:00

<3 cause baby, you're all i need.

2009-10-09T09:07:00.001-07:00

兩的人的距裡...有辦法拉近嗎?

2009-10-05T02:35:00.000-07:00

to be honest, i lack the inspiration to write anything write now, but i feel as if i should anyways, since its been a while since i've actually had a decent blog about anything.

first things first, i've had a lot of time to reflect on a lot of things during the summer. not having internet gives you the time to let your mind roam and think out a lot of things-its actually quite refreshing to be able to get all the thinking out of my head. after all the thinking though, you really just come to realize that life goes on. despite the challenges and difficulties that are thrown at you. no matter what happens, you'll find a way to conquer whatever happens.

but onto happier things. i'd rather not rant out every last detail about every last thought i have.

lets start off with the new school year. classes are horrid and wretched as usual. moving in was a pain in the ass. and lets not even mention the long hours associated with uta. but despite it all, i think all the hours put into it was worth it. seeing the smiles and hearing the laughter is more than enough compensation for all the work put into it.

although. lesson learned today. do not attempt to open a krispy kreme box while driving. very easy to get a papercut. D: now my finger is like crippled. hahaha.

since its almost 3 am, i'll find something more substantial to update about later. ^^

2009-10-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

口一嗎?

2009-09-06T01:57:00.001-07:00

so i was looking back at the things i planned to do over the summer...and i guess lets see how i did in doing the things i wanted to do this summer!

learn chinese
okay, to be honest. i didn't learn that much. haha. though, my writing did improve-quite a bit. i'm entertained because my teacher likes to say that i make different mistakes from everyone else. i get all the grammar write, but epically fail in writing the words.
improve taiwanese!
okay, thanks to james and charlie...my taiwanese improved. haha, everytime we went to go ktv, they'd go sing some taiwanese songs...after listening to it enough times, you start to understand taiwanese. plus, once mom came over, all i heard in the house was taiwanese.
reggae with angela.
unfortunately, didn't happn. at least, not this summer.
make a collage of all the yummy & lovely food i ate in taiwan.
if i find the time in sophomore year, this is going to happen.
have a normal sleeping schedule.
okay, that happened for like the first couple of weeks...and then the last two weeks my sleeping schedule got really really fucked up. XD going out three days, staying out all night three days. yeah. had to make the most of taiwan.
get something out of internship.
okay, so i woke up for internship, but all that happened was me getting really really frustrated over the smallest things. i dont want to whine about it because its really not a bad company. if you really want to know, call me and ask.
spend time with family
so i went to macau with family, and i actually spent more time with family this time..because i would have a more normal schedule of going home and stuff instead of staying at a friends house like 4 out of 7 days a week.
have good time mangement skills. just becaue i want to have fun doesn't mean i should ditch class/internship.
this actually happened. i only skipped out on internship once, and i ditched class twice...or three times? considering how often i skip class at ucsd, i think i did pretty good.
go visit other parts of tw
this didn't happen thanks to the typhoon. next time i go back, i will def. go down.
not to indulge in food toooooooooooo much.
....does indulging in all you can eats and eating until you feel like throwing up considered as too much?

2009-08-11T03:43:00.000-07:00

reasons to smile. :)
because your friend called you.
because you found a dollar on the street.
because you don't have homework.
because you did well on a test.
because they have good tequila at a club.
because you found the other sock.
because you found the cutest purse.
because you saw a good movie
because you have someone to call your best friend
because you know someone will be there if you pick up your phone and call them.
....whats your reaon to smile?

and even queerer ones...check out this website.

so today. i quit. lol, well i'll be done on friday. i'll let you guys know how how the rest of this week turns out.
3 more days left!

2009-08-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

and its been a while since i last blogged. this is partially because i dont have internet at home, partially due to my laziness to drag my butt to my aunts house to use internet. what i can say though, is that this summer is far different from what i had expected. i expected a relaxing, chill summer where i could do whatever i want, but so far, my schedule requires me to get up at 6:30 every morning, and going to sleep sometime after 12, 1. now, 12 or 1 might be really early, but when you need to get up at 6:30 every morning...no excuses, its horrible. back at sd, if i went to sleep at 4, but got up at 12, i'd still get my 8 hours. not exactly healthy, but where i am now, im only getting an average of like 6 hours. combine it with staying out late on certain nights and i just feel exaushtion. which brings me to another topic, i'm probably going to quit my intern either this week or next week because i do want to have the time to go to tainan and visit some family, spend more time with my grandma at her company...etc. and to be serious, its amazing what a year can do to you. i used to be able to stay out all night, sleep a couple hours, and like function the whole day like it was nothing. last saturday, i went out clubbing...got home around probably 7. took a shower blah blah blah and then left the house at like 11 to go meet up with joan + family at tienmu. and then sunday i passed out at 10 and i woke up at 7 (yes, getting 9 hours!) and then feeling like i had an elephant sitting on my back. and its tuesday already, and i dont feel at all recovered. i'm not sure if this is because i'm not getting enough sleep during the week, or if im just not meant to stay up and get too little sleep. blahh.
so what am i doing blogging right now, you may be wondering. well. i'm at intern right now. its 10:30 in the morning. i haven't been given anything to do. and its really. really. cold. they have the ac turned up pretty high. and i really...haven't done much in the last two weeks. all i have done in the last two weeks is sync up one of the manager's mp3 player. and typed an e-mail about at meeting. and read the news online. yeauup. i plan to stay until i get the purchasing order done, which i started earlier this month, which we are waiting to get shipped in. at least i'll have learned something out of this experience. class ends in about 3 weeks too, so i'll be able to sleep till whenever.
mom's coming on the 21st to help grandma out too. so...i guess mom will be around, but since i'll probably be spending a lot of time at joans, it should be all good. :) i plan to visit the school too. should be fun. ^^

and no, i haven't gone clubbing as much as i would like, but i guess its probably a good thing for now, since i dont want my liver to give out + i have work really early in the morning. :P

2009-07-16T04:09:00.001-07:00

So I’ve been in taiwan now for about two weeks, dropped off the face of the internet lol. While I do sign on sometimes, its probably when you guys SHOULD be sleeping. As most of you guys know, I came back this summer to intern and take chinese classes. Basically, I’m not exactly very fond of my intern place. I mean, I don’t hate it-its not like the people there aren’t nice to me…it’s the fact that I have to get up at 6:30am. To catch the mrt. To get to 南港. Its just like I realize that I really can’t get up that early lolol. I totally don’t hear my alarms and my dad has to wake me up ._. I mean my dad was all like “what happens if you have class at 8am! You still have to get up at 6:30 to get ready and go to school!” and I was kinda like…dad. I’m not going to take an 8am class. I know I’m weird, but I’m not suicidal. Plus, i guess it would be worth it if I actually did something..but all they make me do is type. And you guys know how I can’t exactly read handwritten chinese? Yeahhh. That’s what they give me to type. Like, if that’s what I’m learning at intern..then I can’t really say I learned anything. Lol. Its “practicing typing chinese” and practicing reading chinese I can’t even make out. But I think I’ll stick it out a couple more weeks and see if I do anything productive..if not then I value my sleep and I think I’ll just quit my intern. Cause seriously…typing for 3 hours or staring at a computer screen doing nothing but reading the news is…sorta…yeah. Anyways, all of you guys would get a kick out of my chinese class. I don’t exactly want to make this into a complain rant, but like. Lolol, the words are a little too easy for me. And like. I suck at grammar. “為什麼你說'我吃完飯了’後面要有了?” to hell that I know. Lolol, that’s just the way its said. And like…seriously its just my writing. Lolol sometimes I wonder if I should have just bought a workbook and practiced chinese by myself. I mean seriously…a lot of the class is like speaking/understanding focused and its like…yeahhh. But its not all bad. I really like my classmates. Most people are from the cali area so its pretty cool. And the teacher likes to make fun of all of us lolol. Like I make it sound all bad, but it really isn’t that bad.
on the bright side though, I was really happy that I finally got to meet up with roxy, sean, jayme, veronica, romeo….^^ for some people it’s the first time in 4 years since I got to see him, for others its like we get to see each other once a year. Its been pretty good though-even though primo wasn’t so good the night we went, and luxy was just overcrowded-but it was just nice to go clubbing with good friends.
i'm looking fowrad to this weekend though, luxy tomorrow night, paintballing, ktving..^^

2009-06-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

i'm leaving to go to taiwan soon. (:
i guess taiwan will be a good for me...finish up some unfinished business.
get to relax a little bit and hang out with my besties~

i wish everyone a great summer-have fun, but remember to stay safe, try to change your sleeping schedules so that its normal! *ahem, tiff. that means you lol. stop sleeping at 7am* eat normal meals *ahem, thomas. don't starve yourself for like 48 hours. silly anorexic.*....:P ken. D: dont lose anymore weight. D: my mom is going to be super worried if you do. for those of you doing summer school, good luck~don't...pull too many allnighters!

the next time i blog, i'll be in taiwan. :) hopefully intern + classes go allright!

edit//5:14pm

RIP him爸爸~
"what we have once enjoyed we can never lose.
all that we lovely deeply becomes a part of us
-helen keller

2009-06-13T04:24:00.000-07:00

it didn't occur to me how long as the last time i had ever stepped foot into a bookstore and spent some time in it. in fact, one of these days, i'll drive to the library or the bookstore and just live there for a day. believe it or not, i enjoy reading books-a lot. it's been a while since i've had the time to actually sit my butt down and enjoy a book without distractions or worrying about the tiny details that might show up on a test. it's been a while since i sat down, picked a book that looked interesting to me and thrown myself into the world. i should so find me a book, drive to sd, just to sit on the cliffs and enjoy my book while watching the clouds float away, the wind brush against my face, and hear the ocean roar. it's been a while.

but whatever. that can't be helped. i can still do it when i get back from taiwan.
i'm actually rather disappointed that i didn't get the chance to go to the cliffs before i left sd. and if it weren't for the fact that my parents would kill me if i make another trip down to san diego, i probably would go down sometime next week. i guess it can't be helped-i can always go when i come back from taiwan~

8 more days till taiwan! :)
i'm so excited!

2009-06-10T01:18:00.000-07:00

10 things i plan to do over the summer :D

learn chinese. (yes foreal.)
because i regret forgetting my chinese. and i really do want to learn it-the right way. not through ktving, attempting to read chinese...etc
improve taiwanese! (this is a given)
just because i feel that its important to be able to speak the language. though this might be a toughie
reggae with angelaaaaa (?)
seems like fun. would be a nice skill to have. muahaha. its just something that i want to do
make a collage of all the yummy & lovely food i eat in taiwan
for the sake of good food, why not? it'll give me an art project to do while i'm there, or when i'm back to pass time. :)
have a normal sleeping schedule.
though this seems nearly impossible, i really really do want to change my sleeping patterns and habit.
get something out of internship (aka, actually wake up for internship!)
i don't want it just to be an internship that dad forced me to go to. i want to actually get something out of it, some sort of life skill.
spend time with family
the last couple of times i went back, i really did not make time for family. this time, i hope that i really do have the time to spend with family.
have good time management skills. just because i want to have fun doesn't mean i should ditch class/internship.
this would be a good skill to have. less procrastinating.
go visit other parts of taiwan instead of staying in taipei the whole time
its been a while since i went down to southern taiwan. it'd be nice to go visit again
not to indulge in food tooooo much.
as much as i want to eat till i stop, that seems rather unhealthy. :)

the old fisherman

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out-patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. "Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face ... lopsided from swelling, red and raw. Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."

He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success. No one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face ... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments..."

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me. "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. "No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him for a few minutes. It didn't take long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.

He didn't tell it by way of complaint. In fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch. He refused breakfast. But just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, "Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair."

He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind."

I told him he was welcome to come again.

On his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

During the years he came to stay overnight with us, there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden. Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery ... fish and oysters packed in a box with fresh young spinach or kale ... every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning. "Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"

Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illness' would have been easier to bear. I know our family will always be grateful to have known him. From him, we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

Recently I was visiting a friend who has a greenhouse. As she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all ... a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket.

I thought to myself, "If this were my plant, I'd put it in the loveliest container I had!" My friend changed my mind.

"I ran short of pots," she explained," and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, until I can put it out in the garden."

She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining such a scene in heaven. "Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. "He won't mind starting in this small body."

All this happened long ago ... and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.

-Mary Bartels Bray

2009-06-08T23:50:00.001-07:00

fuck finals.
[x] bild10
[x] econ 100a
[x] soc
[ ] doc

i can't wait for this to all be over and done with.
i need to start packing. D:
and do laundry.
and fold clothes.
maybe tomorrow.
when i actually have time after i murder myself with econ.
i didn't know econ could be so hard.
makes me wish bosanko were here to yell at me for my stupidity.
because famulari makes everything too damn hard.

and i believe that at the beginning of finals week if i start off with 100% brain power. 5% doc. 5% bio. 5% soc. 85% econ. = =
econ is. such a bitch.

just a little destressing from finals. be entertained?

2009-06-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

該說嗎? 要說嗎? 我不知道.
怕說出來只會讓事情變的更複雜.
又怕什麼都不說會後悔.
AHHH 好焦慮喔 = = 煩死了.
我不知到怎麼做才是對的
有"對的"嗎? 我也不知道
焦慮焦慮焦慮~~==

---
1 final down, 3 to go!
---
為什麼天氣好的時候沒有時間去cliffs好好把事想好
好好看風景? 看這大海...in a way its so calming.
time flies when you're at the cliffs.
死finals. = = at such a time.
看太陽出來真的好想去.
如果禮拜四/五天氣還是很好的話可能會去~

唉 die finals..die!

2009-06-03T21:46:00.001-07:00

wish it had rained harder and longer.
wish there had been wind and lighting and more thunder.
rain...to me are the tears of people who hide their tears
rain are the tears that should have fallen but didn't fall
and watching the rain fall, its like letting it all out.
i wanted to stand there and let the rain fall
wanted to see the rain fall, feel the rain on my skin
and let it wash over me.

because when there's rain, the days following it will be nice, bright and sunny.
-----------
我又初戀了-五月天

難道　我又我又初戀了　不可能　我又我又初戀了
可是　真的真的初戀了　這一種FEEL　我又　真的真的初戀了

我愛你　你愛我　我們再也找不到藉口
就像是　第一次　一起飛著愛情的自由

我愛你　你愛我　我們再也不需要藉口
又一次　初戀了　就算降講有一點荒繆　誰在乎喔
------------

有一種愛，明明是深愛，卻說不出來。
有一種愛，明明想放棄，卻無法放棄.
有一種愛，明知是煎熬，卻又躲不開。
有一種愛，明知已無前路,心卻早已收不回來。
還有一種愛叫做無奈.........

>要明白有的東西你就是再怎麼喜歡也不會是屬於你的，有的東西你就是再怎麼去留戀也是注定要放棄的.

我們的人生中會有許多種愛，但是別讓愛成為一種傷害,去傷害了自己最親近的人!

生活中有些緣分是注定要失去的，而有些緣分是永遠都不會有好結果的. 愛一個人不一定要絕對佔有，但擁有了一個人就一定要去好好的珍惜他!愛他!

如果不再愛一個人，那麼請你放手，好讓別人有機會愛他。如果你愛的人放棄了，那麼也請你放開自己，好讓自己有機會去愛別人！

愛,是一個沉重的字眼,
它背負著太多的責任與義務,
沒有足夠的心裡承受能力 ,壓力......
別輕言談情說愛,否則 ,情愛 ,就會變成彼此的傷害......

愛是繾綣情深的吧 ?
愛是刻骨銘心的吧 ?
愛是稍縱即逝的吧 ?

真愛，酸也好，苦也罷，一切的存在都是一種甜蜜……

就算痛,也是一種甜密的負擔,不是嗎?

當愛沒有變質前是愛
當愛已經變質後是恨

男人~~

是慾望在支配著他們的感官,
是刺激在促使著他們的動力,
是時間在征服著他們的愛情.

女人~~

是愛情在磨練著自己的身心,
是執著在鞏固著自己的意識,
是堅忍在維護著自己的自尊,

朋友們，你們的愛情是如此美麗而寂寞，你們的愛情是如此坦誠而深情，抓住手中擁有的別讓他在你們的指間不經意時流逝。

朋友們，走過路過了，千萬不要錯過你身邊愛你的人。

朋友們，走過了路過了，千萬不要擦肩而過你的愛情。

朋友們，什麼都經歷過了，愛情或許再也不是唯一了。
a friend of mine sent this to me the other day-figure i'd share it with everyone. XD

2009-06-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

我發現我最近很愛用＂唉＂這個字. 也不知道什麼.
也沒什麼煩惱, 沒什麼好焦慮的. 真奇怪.

i've been so busy lately that i feel so exhausted. but i guess it's a good thing. i do like being busy. i guess thats the one thing that bothers me the most. without my car, i can't plan my schedule accordingly, and hence, it becomes a pain in the ass to be "busy" becaue it just so happens that things tend to happen at the most inconvinenent times.
other than that though, i had a pretty eventful weekend. hksu's graduation dance was better than i expected-it was really nice to get to just chill and dance the night away with friends. saturday was pretty fun, i enjoyed the performances by catchy & 大毛 at cashbox. (sad that zoe won't be around to perform next year though D:) and lat but not least the uta kayaking event was pretty fun. :P lots and lots of good memories from that. my fellow 台客/台妹 with their awesome "pose". water ballons (god ray, i'm so sorry LOL, i didn't mean for you to get injured like that), carne asada fries? (i know morgan, you're craving them).
i guess its knowing that the school year is coming to an end that makes me really sentimental and really cherish these times. i mean, i won't be around all summer, and it sucks that i won't be able to see some people during all of summer. like steph and ken & the regular high school crew. char i won't be able to see until maybe winter break, which totally sucks donkey ass. alex & jason should both be in taiwan with me drinking and partying the night away. luke and all the norcal kids are going to be up in norcal....it sucks that i probably won't be able to see them for quite a while. i guess thats why we make good use of skype and msn, right? :)

anyhow, i'm looking forward to summer anyways...nice break, brush up on my chinese skills, meeting up with some of my best friends that i haven't seen in forever! :)
i expect a great summer.
lets hope its the best one yet.

2009-05-25T20:33:00.000-07:00

雖然很想要回台灣...有時候會捨不得.
捨不得會在這裡的朋友.
想到說要過了兩個半月才會看到一些人...
好難過喔真好捨不得...

2009-05-25T02:17:00.001-07:00

maybe its just the way you make me feel.

this weekend made me both happy and sad. happy because i got to see so many of my friends, sad because i can't stay back at home with them. it's always really depressing to have to go back to san diego sometimes-now don't get me wrong, san diego really isn't bad-its the people i have to leave behind every time that makes me sad. but at the same time-its week 9. three more weeks and its summer! it makes me sad to know that i won't be seeing everyone during the summer-and i won't see some people next year because they're studying abroad/graduating. it's like i take all the time we spend together, or the time we could spend together for granted. like seriously, if there's one thing i can't handle, it's goodbyes. i think goodbyes are the most emotionally painful things a person has to go through.

2009-05-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

reality comes crashing down. fml.
i'm tired. just. thoroughly done with everything.
i give up, i don't really care.
---
i think i was born to be a fob! :) as a kid, i remember saying "mom can you open the light" & "mom can you close the light" instead of "mom can you turn on the light" and "mom can you turn off the light". innerfobness coming out! woohoo! :D :D
---
i woke up in a crappy mood, can you tell? ==
blargh. so i'm going to attempt to cheer myself up by looking at videos that entertain me :)
i should go watch kodomo no omocha.

hands down the best anime ever. :) imo.

2009-05-13T19:04:00.000-07:00

"輸了你贏了世界又如何?"
freshman year year at ucsd is winding down to an end, and looking back, time flies by faster than it ever did in high school, middle school & lower school. i remember stepping off the plane in july 2008, knowing that i would have to endure a long, very long summer before school would start. i remember wondering what my suitemates would be like, what dorm life would be like, what i'd need to bring with me, and what friends-what sort of people i'd end up hanging out with through college. in a blink of an eye, fall quarter, winter quarter, came to an end. and now, there's only four more weeks till freshman year is over.

i wanted to talk about how twisted the society is now, concerning kids + college. this is going to be more of a rant post about how schools are now overstressing the need to go to college. now, don't get me wrong, i believe going to a college or university is just as important as getting your 8 hours of sleep, eating meals on time...but today, while waltzing out of my ridiculous bio class, i saw a group of little kids that were probably around 10 years old. what is a class of a 10 year olds going on a college campus, taking a college tour? i mean, i can understand looking and visiting colleges when you're in high school, i mean, you are trying to find the perfect college/university for you after high school. but when you're ten, you're in lower school. is it really reasonable for kids to be listening to why they would enjoy the quarter system/semester system over the othe, the wide range of classes and majors at a campus, the library?! it's like before they're even teenagers, they're thrown into the stress of colleges. kids should be out frolicking in the sun, playing games, screwing around-basically, be a kid. it's ridiculous-throwing kids into this sort of environment.

-------
10 songs in my itunes that i enjoy listening to while stressing out/studying.
(because i already have 20 songs every playlist should have)
and i think i'll steal ideas from ken and youtube link the songs for you guys. keke.

輸了你贏了世界又如何-林志炫
terry lin is not human. his singing range and voice is just...wow. this song is one of many many songs that i stole from thomas that just sort of sat in my "new music that needs to be added" folder for a few months.
美麗的神話 feat. 韓紅-孫楠
one of my favorite duets. i've always heard this around somewhere, but i didn't know who sang it or what the name of the song was. i stole this song from sam. :) i like the harmony.
One Day - 平井堅 (no link available)
this song came with a cd that magically appeared in my mom's lexus. i just like it, i dont know why. ahahahaha. "one day, i found you. tonight, i miss you"
趁早-張宇
another song that i heard somewhere that i didn't really know. until i was watching 新光大道一班, and saw a duet between 謝震廷&張宇 (that kid btw, is so adorable.) i like this song. :D
口是心非-張雨生
i didn't actually think too much about this song until after a couple too many times of hearing it in thomas' car. it sorta grows on you. but i like the song. ^^
你不是真正的快樂-五月天
i just happen to like this song. i dont know why. i just do. LOL. i guess i like the melody? :D
니가 좋은 이유 (Why I like you) - Super Junior
Le gasp, connie listens to suju? well not really, this one of the few songs i actually listen to by them, but i just happen to like the how upbeat the song is, and i think its just really cute.
零-柯有綸
mmm. no explanation needed.
Whiskey Lullaby Feat. Alison Krauss - Braid Paisley
sad song, but i really like this song. its actually really sad, sorta reminds me of the old 'dear john' songs, with a completley different twist to it.
請在我後悔之前離開我-飛輪海
i've always liked this song, but when i threw myself into kpop, i sorta forgot about this song. now that i'm back into cpop, its nice to listen to this song

maybe write more later. econ sucks ass.

2009-05-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

the cliffs are a truely amazing place. its cathartic-at least for me it is. to roll around there and bathe in the sun, to tape a nap and laze there. i went there today to laze there, mostly to think, and mostly to enjoy the cool ocean breeze. while sitting there, staring nothing but blueness, it hit me that it's time for me to let go. 不想也不行. i can't let my past hold me back. i tell others that what's done is done, what has happened has happened and to let it go. and what a hypocrite i am. i can't even use my own advice. i haven't really actually let go-i've only avoided the problem. worst comes to worst, i'll get my closure, soon enough. i've waited a long time for it, i can wait another couple of months. it won't kill me. i promised myself out there today that i'd learn to let go, learn to let it all go away. it's holding me back, and i don't want to be anymore. i'm tired, i don't want to live in the past any longer.

2009-04-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

most of you may not know this: i'm not actually an only child. i don't talk about it often, and most people don't know. i have an older brother. and every time i go back to san jose, i'll visit his grave. i never actually met my older brother-he was thirteen when he passed away from lukemia. i wasn't born till a couple years after that-thats why my parents are so much older than i am-there's a giant generation gap. now i'm not saying this to make you feel sorry for me-that's the last thing i want. but when i say i'm jealous of people who have siblings, i really am. of course its nice to not have people fight over the computer or steal your food, but it sucks because when you're home alone, because its really lonely. i'm only mentioning the fact that i have brother because i feel as if despite the fact that my brother is no longer here, that i've been fortunate enough to find a family of brothers and sisters in my friends. i've been lucky that when i moved from taiwan to walnut that i found people that are really like family to me-i love them to death. and i'm even more lucky that when i went to ucsd, i found family that i love to death. it's like my brother made sure that i wouldn't be alone, that someone would always have my back and watch out for me. & for that, i thank them. you guys know who you are.

lately, i haven't been in the best of moods. i guess you can say i hit an emotional rock bottom. but as joan said, "if you've hit rock bottom, then you know it can only better, neh?" and then it sorta hit me, no matter what happens, it can only get better. i guess i've been so emotionally strained out lately that i've sorta developed a case of "fuck-its." its not that i don't want to care-it's that i don't want to give up my happiness because i'm so worried about other people. i mean, it sounds selfish, but if i want to care for other people, i need to take care of myself. i guess it also has to do with the fact that i've gotten little sleep, got sick (and in process of recovering) and there's just been so much going on. when i woke up this morning, i was just like "i just don't really care anymore. whatever happens, happens." i've learned that my happiness is not worth sacrificing.

thomas took me to the cliffs the other day. it's so refreshing there. it's so calm and peaceful. and the wind there was spectacular. i took clarice the other day-there was really nice wind, the sun was out, and the view was just gorgous. next time any of you guys come down to san diego i'm going to take you there. it's humbling, to sit there. away from all the stress and pressure that you feel at school. to see your self as small compared to the rest of the world, it also reminds you that your problems really aren't as big or as complicated as you think they are. they'll eventually go away, and it'll all be good. i guess that'll be come my happy place from now on. one of these days i want to just get a mat, and flop out there and relax. oh, and its fun to throw rocks off the cliff. :)

whatever happens, i'll pull out of it with a smile.
it sounds cliche, but "you should always have a smile on your face, because you never know who might fall in love with it."
it'll take more than a couple hours, more than a day, but i'll bounce back.
hell, i've already started.
and i won't hold back the smile.

2009-04-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

最近...心裡面想了很多有的沒的東西.

謝謝我身邊的好朋友跟我聊天讓我心情好很多.

2009-04-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

take me somewhere where the wind roars, where the cool wind hits my face. take me where the wind brushes against my hair and where the soul flies free. cause' baby, its just you and me.
--
i dont really have much to say...just some mindless rambling i guess?
i need to find myself a happy place. i don't mean like a corner or something. somewhere where i can just sprawl out and relax. bathe in the sun a little. without my laptop. enjoy a little time to myself. i feel as if everytime i'm on campus, i have this pressure that stems out of my textbooks and laptop about "deadlines" and "hwk" and "things that need to get done."
i think. i'm getting old. my back really hurt today D: my lower back at least. i'm curious to know if it has smething to do with my bed. i mean, its not THAT bad, but compared to my bed at home, its just not as comfortable. D: before i popped some painkillers, i felt as if i had 10,000 knives stuck into the back. D: it was like sore from i dont know what. i'm pretty sure its not from sitting hunched over my laptop for too long. i've done it for even longer, and in even more horrible positions. D: Q_Q
i should go get myself a nice back massage. yeah. that sounds good. one of these days.
--
i just went through two boxes of cereal in less than one week.
and my room is a disaster again. D:
and i have one more chapter to go through for sociology.

...this is such a pointless post. LOL.

2009-04-08T00:11:00.000-07:00

spring cleaning baby!
i'm so proud of myself :) i cleaned my room! :D
before:

i know right, its so messy! D:

after!
i'm not actually completely done, i still need to vacuum and do laundry & stuff. but its all good.

2009-04-06T19:56:00.000-07:00

我不是你想像那麼勇敢-梁文音
有時候太堅強笑容卻填不滿眼眶
越是想要隱藏歌聲就唱的更響亮
直到入到心底最深處 OH~
你不要追問我還缺了些什麼

每個人都有夢幸福總站在最遠方
心中越是渴望越是不敢伸手擁抱
誰的心是我最後一站 OH~
我強問我自己現在還沒有個答案

我不是你想像那麼勇敢
多想讓你保護能流淚一場
讓我放下武裝像個孩子一樣
單純的把愛情放在你心上

每個人都有夢幸福總站在最遠方
心中越是渴望越是不敢伸手擁抱
誰的心是我最後一站 OH~
我強問我自己現在還沒有個答案

我不是你想像那麼勇敢
多想讓你保護能流淚一場
讓我放下武裝像個孩子一樣
單純的把愛情放在你心上

OH~
我不是你想像總是扮演堅強
多想讓你知道我也要個伴
放下討厭武裝像個孩子一樣
單純的把愛情放在你心上

我不是你想像的那麼勇敢
---
what is love? to love someone is like to receive a glimpse of heaven. wikipedia describes love as any number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. i don't know. i feel as if i've lost the ability to love someone. i mean, i still love my friends. but i feel as if i don't know how to actually like someone anymore. i guess, the more you love someone, the more you lose a part of yourself? i guess, it bothers me because i've never felt like this before. i feel as if i am just really apathetic to everything sometimes-something that's really different from the old me. blah, its just really on my mind.
---
i'll be here even if the stars refuse to shine.
Even if romance ran out of rhyme.
You would still have my heart.
Until the end of time.
---
i am everything you want, and everything you don't want. i am a walking contradiction. i am the extremes that don't go together. i am the unusual and extremes put together. "When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games." (Brennan Manning).

2009-03-27T00:23:00.000-07:00

it hasn't really hit me that time passes so quickly. last time i saw everyone at one time, it was winter break. all of a sudden, its spring break and we're sitting at coconut bay with some new faces (sam & vivian) with new stories to share about various things & what nots. i'm sitting there imagining what would have happened if we all lived in one giant house-the horror! the lights would never be off, there would never be food in the house, parking would be a disaster, our trashcan would probably die...mm. would be interesting though.
---
ten things about me that you may or may not know about me
1. i grew up on yugioh, not pokemon. i believe in the heart of the cards. pahahah. i totally grew up on yugioh-i even have the cards. XD i also grew up on stuff like dragon ball z and stuff. even weirder, i watched 一休和尚 from as far back as i can remember. hahaha. i even have the video tapes of it in my room LOL. (oh gosh)
2. i want to learn how to drive a stick shift car. i always think that its super cool when a girl knows how to do it. plus, it means i wont get bored while driving, although being stuck in traffic sounds like its gonna suck ass. it just seems like fun. besides, i look bored enough when i drive as it is.
3. i tend to use food as emotional support-happy or sad. when i feel like it, i can eat like i'm an bottomless pit. when i'm sad and i dont feel like expressing emotions, i normally just eat. because food makes me happy. :) its my anti drug.
4. msn > aim. i dont really like using aim, especially after my aim refuses to load up on my desktop. didn't really affect me when aim broke though-most of my closer friends use gtalk. hence, why i have three different messengers on my computers. its really not because i'm a chatoholic-its because people i know like to use different things.
5. i don't like cheesecake. in fact, i'm not really that big of a fan of sweets. not a fan of cookies and ice cream and cake and brownies and other sweet stuff. however, i do like chocolate. not dark chocolate-milk chocolate. thats the good stuff. :D also, if i have my cravings, i'll eat whatever it is i crave. or i need to sleep it off or i get sorta moody. keh.
6. the first things i notice in a guy are his eyes & his smile. i do believe that your eyes are the windows to your soul, and i believe that smiling is something you cannot go without. a day is not complete if you haven't smiled.
7. i'm dense. not because i just am dense, but because i choose to be dense. i choose to be dense because i dont like feeling like i'm over thinking things. i think that if i overthink things, i'll make things awkward. besides, overthinking things just make me stressed out.
8. i run to think. i'm not the person to run on a stupid machine and sweat like a cow. pahahahaha. i run because sometimes i have too much on my mind but theres too many little things that i don't think is worth to deal with or blog about. if i run, i just let my mind wander and think about all sorts of random things that bother me until i run out of things to think about.
9. i love to take pictures. that is fairly obvious. i take pictures because i think its a way to capture a moment. of course, we have our memories, but sometimes they get fuzzy. a photograph is a like a moment of time frozen. plus, i'm a really sentimental person.
10. i hate saying goodbye. its one of the few things i can't handle. i hate the airport, because going to the airport always means goodbye. when i left taiwan in the summer, i litterally had to have a mini emotional gutwretching breakdown on the plane's bathroom. i hate goodbyes because you never know whens the next time you'll see someone. when ken helped me move in at SD and then had to leav, i couldn't stop tearing up.
---
i think i should go get a massage one day. my shoulders are killing me.
or maybe i should spend less time hunched over my laptop. hrmm.

2009-03-20T23:52:00.000-07:00

most people don't know this-only the people who have gone for tea with me or have gone to the great extent of driving to la and back to sd-know that i have a fanatical obsession with apple black tea. and its not just any apple black tea either, it has to be from tenrens. to me, a trip back to la is never complete without apple black tea. there's something about it, i don't really know how to explain it. i swear, i'm such a tea addict. D:
---
something else people might not know about me is that when i go back to la on friday nights, if time allows, i will attend a church group. i know right, connie, going to a cell group, on a friday night? what happened to the parties? but i've come to realize that the lessons i've learned there are more rewarding then going to any party. today, eric shared his thoughts about a specific passage in the purpose driven which is a book that has many life lessons that can take a person a lifetime to learn. today, he mentioned a topic that really describes what i really see friendship as, and i wanted to share it with whoever bothered to read my blog.
"when you try to ripen fruit quickly, it loses its flavor. in america, tomatoes are usually picked unripened, so they won't bruise during shipping to the stores. Thus, before they are sold, these green tomatoes are sprayed with carbon dioxide gas to turn them red instantly. Gassed tomatoes are edible, but they are no match to the flavor of a vine-ripened tomato that is allowed to mature slowly." such is the same with friendship. you can never "speed up" the process of friendship and expect it to bear the same sweetness as a friendship that is aged with time. friendships that are formed because of material gifts is like spraying a tomato with carbon dioxide-of course, there will be some sort of relationship formed, but friendship that is formed through fond memories, laughter, smile and time is sweeter than any fruit, better than any aged wine, and worth more than anything money can buy. the importance of things can be measured by home much time and patience you are willing to invest in it. time is the most precious gift you can give someone, because there is a limit to it. you can make more money to shower gifts--but time is something that you can never get back. today, ty mentioned that we may think that we have an endless supply of time-but in reality, we really don't have that much time. if you sleep 8 hours a day, (i know most of us don't know, but its what we're supposed to get) by the time you're 60 years old, you will have slept away 20 years of your life. that leaves you with only 40 years left to play, to relax, to work, to go to class, to eat, to spend with others...although 40 years can sound like a lot, if you really do that math, its really not that much. in addition, how can you guarantee that you will live beyond 60? if its really you're time to go, its your time to go. it doesn't matter if you're 102 years old, or if you're only 23 years old. the unexpected happens--when it happens, you can't do anything to extend the time you have left. (of course there are medicine and medical procedures, but eventually, when its your time, you can't do anything about it-technology can only bring you so far.) you don't know how long you'll have the opportunity to love-circumstances change-people die, children grow up. there is no guarantee of tomorrow. if you are going to love, you have to do it now. the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves. when you give your attention to someone else, it means you value them enough to give them your most precious asset-your time. time is the most precious thing we have to give. it can not be measured in monetary amounts. time is the most limited thing we have. you can give without loving, but you can not love without giving. love that is ripened through time is far above anything that we can possible have. it doesn't matter if that love is given to friends, a significant other, or family-if you spend the time to give your attention to someone, then they have receive the greatest thing you can give to them. "let love be your greatest aim, for a life without love is truly worthless."
don't procrastinate in giving your time and love to others-you never know if you'll have that chance tomorrow. time is too precious to leave unused, for love leaves a legacy that cannot be compared to anything.
---
well THAT was a handful. but there's something else i must address. people seem to think i've gone emo or something. :x yes, my blogs may be slightly depressing, and my status on msn may have something depressing, but it might just a song stuck in my head :D maybe its just a way for me to express things that are stuck in my mind. my blog is a place for me to speak from my heart and the things that you might not see when i'm in person, being happy happy and all. however, i can see why people act emo all the time when they really don't have to be, getting the attention of friends that really do care for you is truly heartwarming. but, i'm not the person to really express everything-i try not to be an open book because i don't want everyone to know what i'm really thinking-sometimes, it's just be a burden that i did not wish for others to bear. concerning the emo posts, its just stuff thats been in my mind and the stress from daily life (ie finals) was getting to me and i needed to express it. :P normally i have happy things in mind, its just recently there's just been a lot of stuff going on. :D i love you all though, all my emo blogs and stuff makes me feel like an attention whore because you guys are all like "omg connie, don't be sad!" kiss kiss love love. hahaha. really, i'm fine. xD <3

2009-03-19T23:43:00.000-07:00

誰願意失敗失敗再失敗
誰高興期盼期盼再期盼
我是個痛也不會說出口的人
我是個貪心也註定要不到的人
妳戀戀過我就像花依賴樹尖
但風輕輕吹時候到幸福卻枯萎
我是個愛也不會說清楚的人
我是個懦弱也還在拼拼看的人
火熊熊了眼別太快灰飛湮滅
榮耀若值錢我不會掉下淚
痛也不說出口的我不怕掉下淚
痛也不會說出口的人-楊培安
---

i originally meant this to be a happy post. somehow for some reason, one of the first songs when i started listening to is this song. it's a really good song, but for some unknown reason, it makes me want to blog about the normal emo things. i'm not normally like this in person. i guess i'll blog about something happy anyways. i'm currently indifferent about it and the change in between the lyrics & my actual blog doesn't really bother me-for now...because its 12pm and i should be getting to sleep soon. i need to break my habit of sleeping after 6am every night!

on the bright side, i'm officially done with finals. i spent the day (after finishing my finals) by making dumplings for my friends (:. lets hope i haven't food poisoned anyone. ^_^ anyways, i think these last two days have been pretty eventful. in a good way i guess? i spent all day making dumplings, cooking them, and then watching a movie. then waching alex, sam, jerry & will play resident evil 5 for a very, very, very long time. :P it was good fun though, we were all entertained by it. ended up passing out around 5:30 am because i didn't get that much sleep the night before-but i woke up at 7am by myself, which was when the "party" pretty much ended. i woke up seeing alex leaving, khan walking out going like "STILL HERE?" puahahah. then we drove to muir to get breakfast :D woot woot. and then i did laundry, took a shower etc. then spent the rest of the day with clarice at utc! so basically, i've just gotten home. ;P bring it on spring break!

i'm really looking forward to spring quarter-there's a lot of really exciting events and things-i can't wait! jerry's birthday, twilight, santa barbara, ken's birthday, casino dance, my birthday, going to florida, cousin getting married...and the list continues! i don't plan to go anywhere without my camera either :) take that facebook, lets see if i can make you crash again!

2009-03-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up. As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.

I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.” Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “It made a difference for that one.”

The Star Thrower - Loren Eiseley

---

the moral of this story? i feel as if we are the "starfish all along every mile" of beach. our beliefs, our conscience is the wise man. and friendship is the young man.

---

anyhow, this morning i signed onto facebook seeing that a large number of my friends joined the "RIP Sandy Puckett, you will be missed" group. While looking onto the group, I found an article that really really ticked me off. It was about a funeral parlour worker who stole from Puckett while transporting his corpse. "Taiwan police have arrested a funeral parlour worker who stole cash and jewelry from a dead American, a newspaper said Tuesday. Chen Chien-feng was arrested Monday for stealing 3,700 Taiwan dollars (100 US dollars) and jewelry from the home of Sandy Richard Puckett, a 60-year-old teacher at the Taipei American School, while removing Puckett's body Monday morning." Do people have no respect for the dead anymore? Its pathetic. You'd think people would have more respect for the dead.

2009-03-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

rip mr. puckett.
one of the better teachers in the math department at tas.
one of the teachers i wish i had the opportunity to have for math :/

2009-03-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

this is probably one of my favorite pictures. its called "life" which, if i may add, is quite appropriate.

"You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."
-Charlotte from "Charlotte's Web"

2009-03-14T20:30:00.001-07:00

i should change my music on this thing. its been a while. :D i'm tired of opening this page and hearing the same things over and over again. its gets rather annoying. maybe i'll do that after i do this.
---
why do your eyes look so sad? your eyes were filled with sadness, like a part of you was missing, like a part of you was empty. it was like your eyes were trying to see into my soul. i've never seen anyone look at me like that. it was like you were calling for help, but your outer shell has too much pride to ask for it. when you looked at me with those eyes...i wanted to ask what was wrong. i'm here for you to spill everything to, i'm here when you need a shoulder to lean on, i'm here to give you a hug to make the problems go away. all you need is to ask. i'm here to help share the burden of anything unpleasant. if there's too much anger and sadness in our lives, there won't be enough room for love and joy. without enough room for love and joy, we will never live to the full potential of being happy.
---
the most interesting term i've come to be using recently is the word clusterfuck.
clusterfuck is defined by urban dictionary as

Military term for an operation in which multiple things have gone wrong. Related to "SNAFU" (Situation Normal, All Fucked Up") and "FUBAR" (Fucked Up Beyond All Repair).
A combination of things going extremely wrong in a short period of time within the same general activity-caused by stupidity and/or ineptitude.
Chaos. Anything that is occuring in a haphazardly. The situation is not even thinking about dreaming about having a sense of order. A clustering of items (usually people) in a fucked up way.

ahaahhaha.
---
speaking of, i'm attempting to not cuss. :D in chinese at least for now. trying not to cuss in english is too hard. (: i will learn how not to not cuss in chinese :D woot woot.
i think i've been doing alright so far. a couple slips here and there, but considering how it used to be every other word, i think i'm doing great :D

2009-03-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

"I am a daughter, a sister,
a grand-daughter, a niece,
a cousin, a friend, and an aunt.
I am a partner, a student,
a young girl, a grown woman.
I am confident, and scared,
terrified and excited.
I am loving and caring,
& thoughtful and hopeful.
I am sick & tired.
I am shy and friendly,
& careful and careless.
I am broken.
I am misunderstood,
misguided & mislead.
I am hard working & determined,
but a little scared on the inside.
I wish on the stars & dream my dreams.
I pray to god and cry my tears.
I smile on the outside while
I'm dying on the inside.
I listen to others who won't listen to me.
I walk on eggshells & I walk on fire.
I believe in passions but not true love.
I love you and I pushed you away.
I want you, but not so close.
I am everything & nothing all at once,
& all I wanted was for you to love me"

2009-03-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

我要找到自己的路...
stay true to myself.
----
i dont know why it bothered me so much. i don't feel like going into detail as to what "it" is-all you need to know is that it's something that made me feel extremely moody. someday i'll look back on this note and laugh at myself-how could i possibly get so moody over a little thing like that. but for now, i'm feeling moody. i really dont know why it bothered me so much. it shouldn't even be my problem. i shouldn't even care at all about it. but i do. and i dont know why.
the only thing i know is that the song thats playing in my mind right now is 別惹我-五月天. sometimes, our minds are the greatest weapons against ourselves.
----
ten songs every person should have on their playlist

離開地球表面-五月天
this song expresses my feelings when i'm stressed out, or annoyed at life, with people, with hwk, with classes-basically anything that decides to piss me off. it reminds me to give the "i dont give a fuck" attitude back at the rest of the world. it's a i'll do whatever the hell i feel like doing and i don't care about your opinions and judgements about me songs. basically reminds us to stay happy. however, the downside to this is that if this is playing in my car, i become a very aggresive driver. i get mad and i get very gas pedal heavy. especially nice when i'm driving down on an empty freeway with just me and myself.
失戀無罪-A-lin
those who know me know that i'm not exactly a big fan of of female singers-but this is probably one of my favorite songs. 用過去悲傷換來自由難道不珍貴.
離歌-信樂團
despite the near impossibleness to sing to this song-i really like the lyrics. one of my favorite lines literally translates to "its when you can't stay that you really feel lonely." you don't really understand the meaning of feeling lonely until you really do feel lonely.
噢買尬-五月天
for those who know this song, this is self explanatory. for those of you who don't, this song is the epitome of what the relationship between friends should be. (2015, yes?;D)
手放開-李聖傑
我給你最後的疼愛是手放開-sometimes its just not really meant to be. this is a nice song. one of the many songs that ken & clarice often classify with the "ice cube song." granted that it is by the same singer, but i like this song better than the other :D
Wrong Number - DBSK
woot for connie the uber dbsk fangirl. :) i'm just kidding. i really like the lyrics for this song, no special reason. i guess it sorta describes what i think about a lot of girls who are really really attached to their boyfriends and then cause problems and shit like that. i guess the reason why i like this is because if i were a guy, i'm pretty sure this is what i'd be thinking if i had a really 'sticky' girlfriend.
Greatest Story Every Told - Oliver James
Seems like the that would come out of a chick flick, but i really like this song. probably one of the few american songs i'd listen to without protesting it.
如果還有明天-信&薛岳&柯有倫
但是我一定會提醒自己　如果還有明天. if you found out there was no tomorrow, would you look back at your life and regret it? assuming the world was coming to total destruction and even if there was a miracle no one would be left on earth, who would you say your last farewells to? would you say it to the person next to you? your best friends? your family? would you look back at your life and say "i wish i had done..." because now you realized you don't have the chance to do so? often times in life we say "i'll do it later." but what if there is no later?
如果-張棟樑
現在的我　不缺甚麼　認真的生活　偶而會難過
新朋友很多　他們不夠瞭解我 (他們都不瞭解我)
問了太多　我只是微笑的帶過
未來的我　沒有如果　不相信星座　能預告甚麼
假設那麼多　過去會不會復活　最好沒有如果
really good song. really good lyrics. :)
Way Back Into Love - 黃品冠 + 梁靜茹
i really like this duet. like, really really really really like this duet. "i'm been looking for someone to shed some light, not somebody to get me through the night...i've been looking for a way back into love.

maybe i'll update later with another 10 songs if i can't sleep.

2009-03-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

周華健-朋友

這些年一個人　風也過　雨也走
有過淚有過錯　還記得堅持什麼
真愛過才會懂　會寂寞　會回首
終有夢　終有你在心中

朋友一生一起走　那些日子不再有
一句話一輩子　一生情一杯酒
朋友不曾孤單過　一聲朋友你會懂
還有傷還有痛　還要走還有我

一句話一輩子　一生情一杯酒

---
i'm thankful for you all. <3

2009-02-24T10:22:00.000-08:00

fuck you.
i don't need to take your shit.

--

為妳而活-神木與瞳

看生命　像陣風　包不住的痛　所以緊握雙手
抬起頭　那流星般的笑容　只不過　墜落在心中

天空會裂縫　我肩頭　添上的愛那麼久　就不怕　滂沱
用眼淚慶賀　跨過了　堅信這一扇門後　真的有　天國

為了你而活　為了而你夢　為了愛我會撐到最後
當世界都烏有　守著你的人是我
為了你而活　為了你而夢　傷痕再深心無法劃破
跟命運在逆流　就算錯了　也不退後

不閃躲　在這荊棘遍佈中　那傷口　會開出花朵
天空會裂縫　我肩頭　添上的愛那麼重　就不怕　滂沱
用眼淚慶賀　跨過了　堅信這一扇門後　真的有　天國

為了你而活　為了而你夢　為了愛我會撐到最後
當世界都烏有　守著你的人是我
為了你而活　為了你而夢　傷痕再深心無法劃破
跟命運在逆流　就算錯了　也不退後

為了你而活　為了而你夢　為了愛我會撐到最後
當世界都烏有　守著你的人是我
為了你而活　為了你而夢　傷痕再深心無法劃破
跟命運在逆流　就算錯了　也不退後

2009-02-19T12:35:00.000-08:00

it's been a while since i last posted.
well, almost a month i guess? updates on my life i guess :)
basically, what i've done so far is attend terri's 21st birthday, watch a couple games IM basketball and attend a joint chinese new year dinner. then have a kick back at sam's, attend a uta night market (gosh, the food was delicious), go clubbing in hollywood, ktving, play dress up with friends, go to a kcon, and driveup to la with friends. pretty eventful. :) not looking forward to the next couple of weeks though :/ finals are coming up. unfortunately.

---

have you ever looked up at the stars and tried to count them? when was the last time you looked at stars? most of us are so busy in our lives, so exaushted from our daily rountines that we forget to look up at the sky and see stars twinkling down on us. we forget to relish in their beauty and we go on in our dull lives. 我好想好想去看星星喔~好像好久沒有去看它們~

"Last night i looked up at the stars, and matched them with a reason of why i love you. i was doing great, until i ran out of stars"

---

錯了再錯-張棟樑

退到了絕境再退破碎到不能破碎
能挽回什麼你就不肯說我只能猜疑卻都錯

淚水灌溉著傷悲絕望是你賜給的安慰
為何你說謊我卻受懲罰你不如就用刀刺下

我可以痛了再痛你可以錯了再錯
不甘心不閃躲只為那失真的承諾

我轉身讓你玩著火你存心用盡我寬容
為什麼連謊言你也刺破

愛和痛彼此糾結悲和我無法分解
厭倦的疲累成了一片黑像空洞已無法消滅

淚水滋潤著淚水背叛是你另一種慰藉
完美的藉口淚無辜流下你不如用亂箭射吧

我可以痛了再痛你可以錯了再錯
不甘心不閃躲只為那失真的承諾

我轉身讓你玩著火你存心用盡我寬容
為什麼連謊言你也刺破

即使我頭也不回這悲劇猛向我追
情願你全部摧毀別留著燎原的火堆
給你的自由將我吞沒給我的愛像一根繩索
你放手卻捆住了我

我可以痛了再痛你可以錯了再錯
不甘心不閃躲只為那失真的承諾

我轉身讓你玩著火你存心用盡我寬容
為什麼連謊言你也刺破

為什麼連謊言你也不說
---
你的背可以借我靠一下嗎?

2009-01-23T10:42:00.000-08:00

so i promised i'd show everyone a picture of our pole.
i know its not a great picture..i'm too lazy to make it look pretty. see that square table...thats where we're planning to put it eventually.
ken. don't be jealous. i know you want to dance with that pole too. :D

2009-01-20T18:20:00.001-08:00

we have a stripper pole in our suite now.

2009-01-18T10:50:00.000-08:00

i think my mom has officially gone crazy.
she wants me to eat a crapload of vitamins.
i feel like i'm a druggie.
so basically. my mom wants me to take vitamin a, vitamin c, calcium, centrum, and these two yellow things that's supposed to give me more energy, but i have no idea what they are.
like, okay, making me eat that many vitamins defeats the purpose of centrum. plus, i feel like a druggie. ._.

2009-01-12T17:46:00.001-08:00

i'm all left when it comes to wearing tennis shoes, flip flops and flats. but i have a set of perfectly normal feet when i walk in heels and pretty much avoid tripping on my face. weird? i think so.

anyways. last weekend i went on a ski trip, and i had the time of my life. aside from the three different bruises on each knee, and a giant bruise on my toe (thanks tiff, i LOVE my gift), i had a wonderful time falling down the slope, retreating to our cabin with 30+ people, taking 5 minute showers so that other people would get to use hot water. now, don't get me wrong, i loved every minute of it. it all contributed to each experience in its own special way. :) and to top it all off, we went down to rowland to eat bbq & shabu shabu and i got to see my lovely steph! :) <3 i miss you dearly.

we ended the wonderful weekend with a dinner at BJs for tiffany'ws 19th birthday-i love you tiff! (: happy 19th...:) <3

so. back to a week of recovering from insane soreness from every part of my body.

2008-12-31T16:34:00.000-08:00

happy new years!

2008-12-30T14:43:00.000-08:00

當年就知道了
就算沒告訴過你也知道
我們是不可能
都過了好多年了
想說沒看到想到你就會沒事

不過就算這輩子是白過
下輩子還要和你遇到

2008-12-25T00:16:00.000-08:00

merry christmas!

wishing everyone a beautiful holiday & a wonderful new year!

2008-12-22T23:04:00.001-08:00

FAIL! :D

2008-12-21T17:50:00.000-08:00

currently watching a new drama :)
review: (so far. wow, rainie makes the weirdest expressions.)

initial reaction: DAMN. I SWEAR SHE'D CAUSE A TRAFFIC COLLISION.
i give it at 8.5/10. :) it wasn't bad. really cute. and will pan is really cute in his expressions :P. chyeah.

2008-12-17T12:34:00.000-08:00

its all good. :)

2008-12-14T23:08:00.001-08:00

i dont know about you-but i'm having a wonderful winter break. :) i haven't even been back for a week and i've already had so much fun! :D <3.>

happy birthday my dear joyce <3 i don't think i'll ever forget your 20th birthday of your drunken breakdancing, jeff's apparent fail at jagerbombs & other lesbian outragousness ;D

2008-12-13T15:37:00.000-08:00

"What is your deepest fear?"
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Coach Carter

2008-12-12T10:23:00.000-08:00

it's raining.

am i the only one who wants to run out in the rain, lie on the floor & let the rain fall on me? it just seems like it'll be the most refreshing thing i have done all year.

i think the rain just stopped. there goes my plan of lying in the rain.

2008-12-11T23:08:00.000-08:00

i'm done with finals!
:) & back at home in walnut! :D

2008-12-10T20:52:00.000-08:00

i came to ucsd...not liking it very much. as with any new environment i guess. after all, i've never been a big fan of moving to new environments. trust me-i would know. i've never really liked new environments. period.
coming to ucsd, i worried that i wouldn't find friends that i could really feel at home with-that i couldn't be myself. i've always been fortunate enough to have a large support group of friends acting as a second family to me. i guess knowing that the security blanket i had wasn't all going to follow me to san diego made me really nervous. i mean, the friends i've made over the years will always and still be my friends-but it's different when you have the physical, actual support.
i've been fortunate to find people here that i really consider a second family. 真的要說謝謝-因為沒有你們的話,我真的不知道我在san diego 會不會開心. 這麼多的回憶-永遠不會忘記的. (你們知道你們是誰.) 真的很謝謝你們讓我在sd過的那麼快樂.

---

今天晚上我跟一些好朋友去了summit吃晚飯.
...john. you really are a failure at secret santa...like. epic fail.
this was probably the worst case scenario of secret santa. EVER.
ROFL. people from lynbrook really dont know how to play secret santa. period.
john: i bought a gift! .... wait, someone got me a gift? what do i do with the gift i bought? should i return it??
真的...不知道該說什麼才好...完全就是很白癡.

hahaha. 不過...winter vacation 又要來了-想到說要過三個禮拜才能看到sd的朋友...有時候會想要winter break過得快一點.
因為不知道該怎麼結束...所以...bye bye. :D

2008-12-09T11:06:00.000-08:00

the pros and cons of college.
college, as we all know of it, is a wonderful place to meet friends and make wonderful memories-while trying to finish that one forsaken paper that you put off till the last minute, or studying for finals. on the good side, there is absolutely no parental control. you can go out whenever you want, don't have to report to anyone, and there is no curfew in effect. don't you just love that? there's always something to do-yes ken, even in uc socially dead. i looked back on my weekends and i realized...i was never really in my room on the weekends. i was always busy doing something else...like..being busy. :) like you're never stuck in your room on a friday or saturday night thinking "damn. what am i gonna do now" overall, its just really nice. like you get to meet so many people-shit honestly, sometimes i'll see people and they'll wave to me but i'll be like CRAP I TOTALLY DONT REMEMBER THEIR NAME.
the bad side? you get so far behind in your work. its not intentional-it just happens. that term paper gets pushed to the last day, studying comes in forms of allnighters (which are horribly evil). its finals week right now-i don't think i've ever seen that many people flop into ovt for breakfast while letting out gigantinormous yawns. the bad side is that you are totally on your own and like you tend to fall behind in all your work. shit, at least i do. :( because no one cares you're like on your laptop in class, which somethow turns into facebooking, youtubing, or like sleeping in class.

i love the new jj lin album. the more i listen to it, the more addicted i get to it.

林俊傑 - always online

2008-12-02T19:28:00.000-08:00

i think i'll get back to updating my blog more often.

i'm so fucked for finals. but on the bright side, two more weeks before i get to go home and take a three week break from all the hecticness. :)

2008-08-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

running to classes. infamous tardy sweeps. tenren apple black tea run. vanille cakes. lying on a mat to eat lunch. hawaii. annoying ap ib tests. kicking lockers to get them open. to sum it all up in two words? high school. looking back, it just seems so far away, even though its only been two months since we walked the stage and graduated. when they say 'oh yeah, we went back to school together in high school' it seems like ages ago. its like we've known each other for decades or something.

summer so far has been...extremely interesting. ahaha. i've learned that i totally fail at smoking, have a nasty habit of staying out really late when i'm not under parent supervision. i like nightmarket food. and i crash the second i find a bed. i love bbqing on taiwan beaches. shopping = <3 style="font-style: italic;">what the hell is a sham? its a pillow. wahts the difference between a sham and a pillow. what is a throw? whats a comforter? and a down comforter? so i decided to like buy me a complete set! um, yeah, i dont need 16 piece sets..or 30 piece sets. and it was all in king or queen sets. ;_; need twin xl sets. sigh. ended up calling dad in for backup. ahahah. worst 2 hours of my life. i feel so. like epic fail. ahaha.

speaking of bed sheets & everything. things to buy for dorm. -_-;
-bed sheets
-power strip
-hangers
-water heater
-storage containers/cabinet things to shove into closet for bras & underwear and stuff because i don't want them on the floor. :)
- over the door hooks/storage things?
-erasable calender/bulletin reminder thing
-school supplies ie. stapler, duct tape (heard that does wonders), pins, paperclips etc
-shoe rack thing (:
-laundry baskets x2
-printer/scanner thing
-cleaning supplies
-full length mirror?
-chopsticks/utensils for my snacking habits.

food to bring to ensure that i don't starve in my dorm room.
- cereal! ie. miniwheats. frosted! :) luck charms. etc etc etc.
-water. :P :D
- black tea! (:
-...food.

to be continued.

2008-04-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

getting hurt. it makes you so much stronger. you vow that you're never going to get dragged down into another situation like that. you vow that you'll never let anyone break your heart. you harden your inside so that no matter what happens, you will be okay. you become stone hard on the outside. when things just don't go the right way, you don't show any emotion. people always say, oh you're so strong, i wish i could be like you. and yet, all you do is smile and shatter into pieces on the inside. the more times it happens, the more your guard goes up, the more doubtful you become, and the harder it is for you to open up. you're not willing to take chances because you don't want to break into millions of pieces over some person. i hate you for making me like this.

衝啥大　衝啥小　衝啥都有人唱反調
恨得多　愛得少　只想越跳越瘋
越跳越高　把地球甩掉

一顆心撲通撲通的狂跳
一瞬間煩惱煩惱煩惱全忘掉
我再也不要〔想〕再也不要
委屈自己一秒

一顆心撲通撲通的狂跳
一瞬間煩惱煩惱煩惱全忘掉
我甩掉地球地球甩掉　只要越跳越高

2008-04-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

let it all go.

2008-04-18T23:17:00.000-07:00

the feeling i have right now is that i'm like too little butter spread over too much bread. i wish there were come way to make carbon copies of myself so that i could be everywhere at every waking moment. may is a very stressful month. starting may 5th are ap testing. not to mention that some genius person decided it was a wonderful, AMAZING, ABSOLUTELY GENIUS idea to put prom before ap testing. i can only hope that you realize that most of the student population in walnut is probably pulling white hair because they somehow have to get everything that must be done for prom done. but anyhow between now and may 5th there are 15 days. i say may 5th because this is where i actually have to start testing. chyeah, i know. prom->a day of work->ap testing. horrible. anyways. so there are 15 days. of those 15 days, i am gone for state for 4 days. that leaves 11 lovely days. of those 11 days, 1 of them is prom and i know for a fact that there is NO WAY IN HELL i will study in a limo or in a car because i have ap testing. i just can't do it. this leaves about 10 days to study. 10 days = 240 hours. now. assuming that i am at school 8 hours a day. there are 7.5 days of school till ap testing. 240-75 = 165 hours left. now, assuming that i sleep at least 6 hours a day (believe it or not, i do sleep more) . 165-(10 days x 6) = 105 hours. of these 105 hours., i'm at work like. 20 hours a week. so approximately 30 hours are taken off of my study time. leaving me 75 hours, which pretty much becomes 3 days. i dont know about you but my ap gov book has been sitting on my desk, open for the last 3 weeks. and i'm still. NOWHERE. talk about the ultimate destruction of my ap grade. fuckkk.

edit/ 11:25pm.
did mention that i need to find myself a prom dress/get nails done? so much for time to study. -_-
& that sometime between now and state i need to start/finish studying for my competition?
T_T;

2008-04-05T09:08:00.001-07:00

how do you pick up the pieces, when in your heart, you begin to realize; there is no going back. there are some hurts that go too deep, some wounds that cannot be healed. you begin to understand, that no one will ever understand. they will walk blind, deaf, ignorant to all that happens right in front of them. they see you cry, & assume that you need a hug, when all you really need is to be alone. they will see you smile, and think "Good, you're happy," when on the inside you're hurting, crying, you are dead.
will they ever know the real you died years ago? will they ever realize your smile is not sincere? you wish they would understand, wish they could know what you are going through, while at the same time, you wish they never have to expiernce this kinda of pain. you are confused, angry, depressed & you don't nkow why. you don't seewhy this has to happen to you, why it can't it happen to someone rude, obnoxious, someone who takes everything for granted.
you start to realize that you don't care anymore. your friends, family, they don't matter. nothing matters becasue it all seems so dull, so lifelss, or too cheery, too inviting for you to fit in. you are trapped. by the walls of your own mind, you are trapped. you begin to lose slee, you stop eating, or eat too much. you lose track of what day it is. but it doesn't matter anymore. too fat or too skinny, and suffering from insomnia. it doesn't matter anymore.
the pain grows too much. you want to talk about it, get everything off your chest, but are too afraid of what might happen if they know your secrets. you get restless. your mind is racing. thinking of things passed, and things that may come. you begin to fear the future. this is followed by another, more chilling though: what future? you tell yourself, you have nothing, you will always be nothing. your dreams, your goals, there will never happen. you will never be as good as you want to be, or as good as others expect you to be. you start thinking there is nothing for you in the future. you ask yourself: whats the ponit? you find osmething shart & begin cutting yourself open. you slowly watch the crimson ribbons flow. a thought plays in your head: this is beautiful. again & again you slice yourself open & watch the blood ooze from the wounds. moments later you feel the pain, the stinging. and yet, as much as this hurts, the mental pain seems dim. new found relief.
yet again you fake a smile, pretend to be happy. but when the pain gets too much, you cut yourself again. you watch yourself bleed, thinking yet again, about the beauty of this pain. and so you go on, as if nothing is wrong, as if you've never felt alone, as if you're never felt scared. your temporary relief, relieves no longer. your friends notice the scares, question you all about it, call you an attention seeker. you wonder if they care at all. if they do care, why are they being so horrible? maybe its one of those, 'cruel to be kind' moments? but considering your situation, you go with your first thought: they don't care about me. this is entirely false. your friends care, very much. they are just so shocked, so disappointed, that, instead of talking to them about your problems, you decide to mutilate yourself.
you are now more stressed, more depressed, more angry. all you can think about is ending the pain. how can you do that? suicide seems a good way. if you are no longer alive, you can no longer feel the pain. but what of your friends? won't they be upset? of course, they'll go through a brief period of depression, but their lives will go on, and in time, they will forget. you think it over in your head. yes, suicide, thats the way.
a battle goes on inside your head. as much as you want to end your life, you can't do it. you're scared. what if it goes wrong? how many times will you have to try before it works? are you absoluetly sure you want to do? these questions all buzzing around your head.
the truth is, no you don't want to die. if you did, you wouldn't ask yourself so many STUPID questions. there is osmething, some small thing that is keeping you here. you know you don't want to die. you know it won't fix anything, rather, it will make things worse for those close to you.
never frown, you don't know who's fallen in love with your smile. never take your life, for you don't know who you could be sharing it with.
http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/tw33t/445.html

2008-03-30T22:10:00.001-07:00

so i have officially decided that i will be attending ucsd in the fall. i know not where it will take me, who i will meet, what i will do-but it will be my future for the coming months. it hurts that i will no longer be physically close to some of my dearest friends, although our hearts will be closer than ever-no physical distance can separate us. looking back, i see how much we've grown. looking back at those incredibly long gtalk chats, where we probably should have gone to sleep instead of whoring away at facebook. in an effort to not sound so emo-featuring some of ken's famous quotes. :)
Kenneth
yeah my mom - " whyyyyy why is the world so cruel to me, i can never go like HA! my son is smater than yours cause 4.0gpa/perfect sat score or whatever, all i can say these days is, well... my dog knows how to open doors, better than your dog!"

"you know, you chug all these drinks like water. ya know, those are expensive.. you know what you should do? drink the beer. beer is cheap. and after a bottle of two, youll be too drunk to drink anymore. see? that makes you cheaper to maintain" - ken's mom.